I once came across a study suggesting that finances and household chores are the leading causes of conflict in marriages. Interestingly, those topics aren’t at the top of our list. Instead, my husband Alex and I often debate who’s more exhausted and what exactly constitutes a bath. Just to clarify, starting the water for the kids doesn’t count as bathing them in my book—it’s merely preparing for it. And yes, I’m definitely more tired than he is!
The early years of our marriage were a bit rocky. Many people claim those years are the best, but for us, they were filled with stumbling and uncertainty. It was only after a few years that we started to find our footing. I realized those initial years were crucial for establishing our identity as a married couple while also maintaining our individuality. Then came the kids, and we found ourselves continually redefining our parental roles. In essence, we are not just a couple but also a parenting team, which means we have to juggle the needs of four individuals—ourselves, our spouse, and our roles as parents. That’s a lot of perspectives to navigate, inevitably leading to some disagreements.
In my experience, arguments are bound to happen, no matter how selectively you choose your battles. And honestly, they can be quite beneficial. They help us stand firm in our beliefs and promote self-preservation. As long as there is no verbal or physical abuse, conflict can be a healthy part of any relationship. Here’s how arguing has fortified our marriage:
1. Enhances Communication
Whether we’re raising our voices or just having a spirited discussion, arguing means we are communicating. Every heated exchange eventually leads to a more civil conversation—even if it takes some time to get there. Through communication, we build and strengthen our bond.
2. Keeps Life Engaging
Alex and I are quite the balanced duo, though we are opposites in many ways. Our arguments usually arise when our comfort zones are challenged, requiring us to step out of our usual ways of thinking. Although it can be uncomfortable, embracing each other’s perspectives often breathes new life into our daily routines.
3. Fosters Household Balance
It’s essential that one person doesn’t always get their way. If that were the case, our home would be filled with random hunting trophies and decor from rustic stores! Sometimes my approach to discipline works best, and other times Alex’s methods shine. We need to advocate for our different styles to create a harmonious household.
4. Provides Personal Space
Living with multiple people can lead to conflict, but it also encourages the need for personal space. Often, our arguments end up creating the opportunity for just that.
5. Encourages Compromise
Regardless of the size of the disagreement, resolving it requires sitting down and working together. Even if we can’t find common ground, we can at least agree to disagree and move forward.
6. Brings Us Closer Together
Diverse opinions allow us to respect each other as individuals, whether one is the breadwinner or the caregiver. It’s easy to take each other for granted, and arguments can remind us to appreciate the hard work we each contribute.
7. Promotes Respect for Differences
Recognizing and respecting our differences is vital. Often, Alex and I see things from entirely different angles, and this contrast enriches both our relationship and our individual growth.
8. Teaches Our Kids to Advocate for Themselves
When our children see us argue, they learn that it’s essential to speak up for what they want. If they don’t learn this skill now, they may struggle to advocate for themselves later in life.
9. Maintains Individuality
If you don’t stand your ground, your preferences might be overlooked. Each of us has unique needs, and it’s crucial to express them. Sometimes arguing is a necessary reminder to ensure our individual needs are met.
10. Prevents Resentment
Doormat Syndrome happens when one partner doesn’t voice their opinions out of fear of conflict, leading to built-up resentment. Openly sharing our thoughts allows for healthier communication in the future, fostering respect and understanding.
As my husband and I grow deeper in our marriage, we find ourselves arguing less frequently. This shift is due to having navigated many of the initial bumps in the road. Plus, as we grow tired, many issues simply feel too trivial to fuss over. However, we still have disagreements, and it’s important for our kids to witness how we handle differences, demonstrating that effective resolutions are achievable.
And just so we’re clear, I still maintain that I am, without a doubt, more tired than he is!
If you found this article insightful, check out our other blog posts for more discussions on marriage, parenting, and relationships. For additional information on family planning, visit this resource.
In summary, healthy arguments can indeed strengthen marriages by promoting communication, respect, and personal growth, benefiting both partners and their children.