I have three children, each with their own distinct personalities—ranging from bubbly and outgoing to reserved and enigmatic. Because of these differences, I don’t treat them all the same way, and I make no apologies for it. Honestly, they don’t even seem to notice!
While some aspects of parenting should be consistent, I recognize that each child handles situations in their own way, which is why I adjust my approach to fit their individual needs. I’m not talking about favoritism or letting one child slide by more easily; rather, I believe that every child is unique and requires different nurturing for their personalities to flourish. What works wonders for one may not resonate with another.
Is it fair? Absolutely! For me, it’s the best way to keep our household running relatively smoothly.
Homework
One of my kids is a whiz when it comes to homework. He completes it quickly after school without any reminders from me. He enjoys the process and rarely asks for help. On the flip side, my other two struggle significantly with even the simplest assignments, often turning homework into a battle. I find myself nagging, withholding snacks, and even taking away electronic privileges until it’s done. If they suggest doing it later, I firmly say no because “later” usually means a bigger fight. Maybe one day they’ll notice their younger brother happily playing outside after finishing his work. Until then, I’ll keep pushing them. However, if my diligent child asks to do homework later, I trust him to handle it without a fuss.
Social Life
My oldest has a much greater desire for social interaction than his siblings. He has never been the best at playing with them, preferring to be the boss when they do. After years of trying to explain why this isn’t the best approach, I’m relieved that he can now enjoy time with friends without leaving his younger siblings feeling neglected. They are perfectly content playing together at home and rarely ask for additional social time. If they did, I would certainly accommodate their needs, but as it stands, everyone is happy with the current setup, and I love seeing their bond strengthen.
Chores
While my homework champ excels academically, he is less enthusiastic about chores. He tends to complain and procrastinate, and I have little patience for that behavior, leading to quick consequences. In contrast, my other two are more willing to tackle their chores, so I give them a bit more leeway. If they ask to do their chores later, I usually agree because I know they’ll follow through.
School Behavior
One day, my daughter came home in tears after being caught in a minor food fight at school, which she described as flicking a blueberry. Though she was punished, I didn’t impose any further consequences at home; she was already distraught and hasn’t engaged in such antics since. For my other two, however, if they pulled a similar stunt, they would certainly face repercussions. I maintain a strict policy with them because without consequences at home, they wouldn’t feel the guilt necessary to change their behavior at school.
When They Get Hurt
Recently, my oldest took a spill off his bike and casually mentioned it while snacking. There was blood everywhere, and I worried he might need stitches (thankfully, he didn’t). He preferred to finish his snack before attending to his wounds. If I fuss over him when he gets hurt, he becomes upset. In contrast, my younger children would be shaken by such incidents and would need my undivided attention to calm down.
Before becoming a parent, I envisioned my kids as somewhat robotic, reacting in uniform ways. However, they are far from that! Just because they’re kids doesn’t mean they lack individuality. Each child is distinct and deserves to be treated as such. I want them to embrace their unique qualities and never feel ashamed for being different from their siblings. My goal is to allow them to flourish as their true selves.
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