My grandparents celebrated over 65 years of marriage, despite being quite different from each other. Grandpa was always calm and composed, while Grandma was strong-willed and outspoken. He was a dreamer, she was a doer. Their relationship flourished through various challenges, including career changes, the birth of three children, the heartbreaking loss of two of them within six months, and the ups and downs of running a business. They navigated many of the hurdles that come with partnership.
These days, we often hear that relationships are fleeting and that “divorce is too easy.” Some say past generations stuck together simply because “that’s what people did.” However, I believe my grandparents remained united because they grasped an essential truth about marriage: “Some days,” Grandpa would wisely say, “Love is a choice.”
When people marry, they don’t envision a future where it doesn’t last. No one includes “’til divorce do us part” in their vows. While divorce can be the best choice in certain situations—because everyone has deal-breakers—many of us need to learn to expect, accept, and manage the rough patches. And by “rough,” I mean anything from minor annoyances, like your partner’s unbearable snoring, to major, life-altering mistakes. Every marriage will face both.
Love is indeed a choice, which can be tricky since it often feels effortless at first. We fall in love, and it’s like magic—everything seems perfect. But maintaining that love over the years requires effort. Love isn’t something that simply wraps around you and stays forever. Life intervenes, and marriage can become so stressful that the initial spark seems lost. Sometimes, it feels irretrievable.
Yet, those challenging moments are when we must choose to love—during the weeks or months when we feel distant from each other, longing for the connection we once had. It’s during these times that we have to dig in and persevere, even when quitting seems like the easier route. It’s important to recognize that conflict isn’t just inevitable; it can also be constructive if managed properly. If you treat a wound correctly, regardless of its severity, it heals stronger than before. Neglect it, and it can become toxic. Addressing issues may hurt more than the issues themselves, but like a wound, it must hurt to heal—and it won’t hurt forever.
We chose our partners for good reasons, and we continue to love them through the difficult times by keeping those reasons in mind. It’s natural to feel lost at times; many couples do. Doubts can creep in when things aren’t going well. We often feel safest sharing our vulnerabilities with our partners—showing them sides of ourselves we wouldn’t reveal to anyone else. This raw honesty can be messy, but it’s part of intimacy, which ultimately strengthens our bond.
Love is a choice, not just a circumstance. Marriage presents us with a series of events that continually remind us of that fact. It’s not a never-ending fairytale; rather, it’s more like a winding path, filled with both rocky terrain and breathtaking views that test our limits. And that’s a good thing—only when we face challenges do we truly appreciate the moments of ease and joy we experience together.
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Summary
Love requires commitment and effort, especially during tough times. While marriage may not always be a smooth journey, it offers opportunities for growth and deeper connections. Remember that love is a conscious choice, one that can strengthen relationships through adversity.