Fascinating Womanhood, authored by Helen Andelin in 1963, has stood the test of time, selling over two million copies. Its principles, rooted in earlier pamphlets from the 1920s and ’30s, often provoke mixed reactions. Some view it as a guide to traditional womanhood, while others see it as a catalyst for modern feminist discourse. One of the more discussed aspects of the book is its list of dos and don’ts for women, which has circulated widely online and is frequently analyzed in gender studies.
While some women may find value in these guidelines, I personally do not. Instead of fostering equality and collaboration in marriage, they lean toward promoting male dominance. In fact, I believe many of these suggestions are equally insulting to men. Let me break down these points from a modern husband’s perspective.
The Don’ts
Don’t try to change him.
Absolutely, you should! Marriage is all about growth and change. The person you marry will evolve over time. As partners, it’s essential to support and encourage each other’s personal development.
Don’t show indifference, contempt, or ridicule toward his masculine abilities, achievements, or ideas.
So, if his ideas are “masculine,” then they deserve your unwavering support? That doesn’t sit right with me. Masculinity doesn’t equate to superiority. Instead, let’s focus on showing interest in shared passions and uplifting each other in all pursuits.
Don’t try to excel him in anything which requires masculine ability.
Not a chance! If your partner wants to take on a challenge that’s traditionally seen as masculine, they should go for it. There’s no monopoly on abilities, and it’s time we recognize that.
Don’t let the outside world crowd you for time to do your homemaking tasks well.
Is homemaking the priority? In today’s world, many households have women as the primary breadwinners. Balancing homemaking and earning income is a shared responsibility, and pursuing education or career goals can enrich family life.
Don’t have a lot of preconceived ideas of what you want out of life.
Chase those dreams! While it’s okay for aspirations to evolve, working together with your partner to achieve them is crucial.
Don’t stand in the way of his decisions or his law.
But what if those decisions are misguided? Constructive dialogue is vital in any relationship, especially when poor choices arise.
The Dos
Accept him at face value.
Trust is key, but open communication is essential. If you have questions or concerns, ask.
Admire his manliness.
Compliments are great, but let’s focus on mutual admiration based on love and respect.
Recognize his superior strength and ability.
Let’s not play the superiority game. Both partners bring unique strengths to the table, and it’s vital to appreciate each other’s contributions equally.
Be a Domestic Goddess.
Instead of aiming for an unattainable ideal, focus on supporting each other’s goals inside and outside the home.
Revere your husband and honor his right to rule you and your children.
Let’s not go there! Marriage is about partnership, not dominance. A better approach would be to “revere each other and create a loving, supportive home together.”
As a father, I believe these outdated dos and don’ts don’t resonate in today’s egalitarian society. Modern relationships thrive on shared responsibilities and mutual respect. Working together as equal partners is what truly makes love flourish.
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Summary:
A modern husband critiques the outdated principles from Helen Andelin’s 1963 Fascinating Womanhood, advocating for equality and partnership in marriage. He emphasizes the importance of mutual support, shared responsibilities, and open communication while dismissing the traditional notions of male dominance.