Updated: August 3, 2016
Originally Published: July 3, 2016
When kids are young, they never seem to stop talking. Little ones have an unfiltered way of sharing every thought that crosses their minds. As parents, we often long for just a few moments of peace. When I was a new parent, I would hear from mothers of teenagers how their once chatty toddlers had turned into quiet, moody teens, and it made me anxious. Would I, too, face the dreaded silence, slammed doors, and eye rolls when my children hit their teen years?
Fast forward to today, and I’ve discovered that the stereotype of the uncommunicative teen is more fiction than fact. While teens may share a lot of their thoughts with their friends, they still communicate with their parents if we learn how to engage with them. Not every teenager retreats to their room and isolates themselves; many still value conversations with their parents. I know this because my teenage son is quite open with me.
Friends often marvel at how well my children communicate, asking, “What’s your secret?” While I don’t have a foolproof formula, I do have some effective strategies for fostering communication with teens:
1. Be Honest
Teens are curious about a range of topics, including relationships and sexuality. To be their go-to for honest answers, you must commit to sharing the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. For instance, my son once asked about oral sex. While it was an awkward moment, I recognized the importance of providing him with a thoughtful and responsible explanation. Teens need to understand the seriousness behind these topics, which their friends might not convey accurately.
2. Learn Their World
Teens love to text, and understanding their abbreviations can be challenging. But connecting with them goes beyond just learning to decode their texts. If your teen has hobbies or interests you’re unfamiliar with, take the time to learn about them. You may not enjoy every video game or pop song, but your effort will show you’re interested in their world. My son is a huge Star Wars fan, and while I’m not an expert, watching the movies with him has made a difference in our relationship.
3. Share Your Teenage Stories — The Real Ones
While parents often want to appear perfect, it’s crucial to show your teen that you’re human too. Sharing your own teenage challenges can help bridge the gap. For instance, discussing my experiences with bullying in middle school has opened up great conversations with my daughter. Similarly, I’ve been honest with my son about my own high school missteps. These stories not only provide lessons but also help him realize that everyone makes mistakes.
4. Utilize Car Rides for Conversations
Some of the most meaningful conversations I’ve had with my teens have occurred while driving. The lack of direct eye contact seems to create a space for honesty. Whether it’s discussing school problems or personal issues, the car has become our safe zone for dialogue. I often turn down the radio and let my son share what’s on his mind. It might not be as entertaining as a carpool karaoke session, but those moments are invaluable.
Ultimately, the relationship you build with your teen reflects what you put into it. If you’re open and honest, they’re likely to mirror that behavior. So, if it takes watching Star Wars countless times to bond, then it’s worth it — at least you get to enjoy some iconic moments along the way!
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Summary:
Engaging with your teen can be challenging, but it’s not impossible. By being honest, learning about their interests, sharing your own teenage experiences, and using car rides as a space for conversation, you can encourage open communication. Remember that establishing a trusting relationship takes effort, but it can lead to meaningful discussions and a stronger bond.