When my son, Alex, was just four years old, his close friend hit him in the face and took his string cheese. Yet, just minutes later, they were back to playing together as if nothing had happened. I watched my little boy, with his tousled brown hair, giggling with the very kid who had just punched him, wondering how on earth he could just brush it off.
It wasn’t that the other child was particularly aggressive; in fact, this was probably their first real altercation. But still, the fact remained: he had punched Alex and stolen his snack. If that had happened to me, I’d be looking into legal action! I can assure you that I wouldn’t be playing superheroes ten minutes later.
But that’s the remarkable thing about children: they possess an incredible ability to forgive. Now that Alex is nine, I can confidently say he doesn’t seem to hold grudges—at least not that I have noticed. I have three kids, and my two younger daughters, ages 6 and 2, are just as forgiving. Sure, the older two have accused me of being unfair when I took away their tablet or canceled a playdate for not finishing their chores. I’ve even seen my youngest, Mia, pull her sister’s hair and pop her birthday balloon, only to be giggling with her moments later while watching cartoons.
Maybe this is just a trait unique to my kids. Perhaps children under ten generally struggle more with forgiveness. But I suspect that at some point, likely during their teenage years, they will learn to hold onto anger. I’m not sure when that lesson will hit because I can’t pinpoint when I learned it myself.
I invest a lot of time in teaching my children—everything from basic hygiene to reading skills. But I seldom think about what I could learn from them. Their ability to forgive others, be it friends or family, within hours is a lesson I can take to heart.
At 33, I’ve witnessed people cling to grudges for years, even siblings who refuse to speak due to petty disagreements over money or borrowed items. While I understand that some actions may be unforgivable, most are not. Children seem to know this instinctively and don’t let anger overshadow their joy. This makes me reflect on the precious moments I might be missing out on because I can’t let go of past grievances.
This realization hits particularly hard when I think of my older brother. We haven’t spoken in nearly a year. As kids, we were inseparable, fighting but always forgiving. Somewhere along the line, we learned to harbor resentment instead. It might have been due to differing political views or religious beliefs, but what once was playful banter turned into bitter exchanges, leading to silence.
I long for the days when we could just let things go and enjoy each other’s company again. I’m going to reach out to him and hope he answers. If he does, I’ll apologize. If you also have someone in your life with whom you’ve lost touch but wish to reconnect, consider the way your children forgive. They have much to teach us.
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Summary
Kids have an incredible knack for forgiveness, a trait that adults often lose as they grow older. While navigating the complexities of relationships can lead to grudges, children remind us of the joy of letting go. It’s a lesson worth revisiting as we strive to foster connections and maintain relationships.