One afternoon, while my daughter was having a playdate with a friend, I found myself in the kitchen chatting with her mother, whom I didn’t know very well. As I tossed grapes into a bowl for the kids, she suddenly asked, “How did you lose the baby weight? Did you starve yourself or something?” Her gaze felt piercing, and a wave of anger washed over me.
It was hard to see her inquiry as anything but a judgment. It felt as if she was implying that my weight loss could only be achieved through extreme measures, dismissing the effort and time I had invested over five years. She didn’t know that I’d once struggled with eating disorders in my youth and had no intention of returning to that mindset. I embraced my body through all its changes, cherishing it before, during, and after each pregnancy. Starving myself was simply not an option.
I was taken aback that she would voice such a thought in front of our innocent daughters. Why introduce this negativity into their lives? I wanted to shield them from the ugliness of body shaming that would undoubtedly surface as they grew up.
That evening, my mind kept circling back to her words. I felt a mix of anger and defensiveness—not just for myself but for every woman who battles insecurities related to body image. Women face a barrage of contradictions: if we lose the baby weight, we’re criticized for being unhealthy, and if we don’t, we’re labeled lazy. The pressure is relentless, making us feel that our worth is tied to our appearance.
While it’s important for women to feel confident in their bodies, we need to shift the narrative away from weight loss being a focal point of our self-worth. When we question each other’s diets or weight, we elevate something trivial into a central issue, and that needs to change.
I wished I had said something in that moment, to express my frustration. I looked at those two bright-eyed girls, munching on grapes, and I felt a responsibility to instill in them a sense of self that transcends body image. I want my children to know they are defined by so much more than their physical appearance. Health, balance, and self-love are what matter, and I never want them to think that harming their bodies is a viable option.
I don’t have all the answers regarding weight and body image. It’s a complicated issue that our kids will inevitably face, filled with fat shaming, skinny shaming, and everything in between. My goal is to empower them to be strong and compassionate individuals who focus on what truly matters—being engaged in activities that make them feel good and healthy, leaving little room for judgment of others. We need to teach them that commenting on someone else’s body is never acceptable. Compliments are fine, but someone else’s appearance is not our business.
Ultimately, I want my children to see beyond physical appearances, including their own.
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Summary: In this reflective piece, Jessica Monroe shares an experience where she was questioned about her weight loss journey after having a baby. She expresses her frustrations about societal pressures surrounding body image and the harmful narratives that accompany discussions about weight loss. Through this experience, she emphasizes the importance of teaching children to value themselves beyond their physical appearance and to foster compassion for others.