Updated: June 25, 2020
Originally Published: July 2, 2016
Hey there, kiddos,
I know I lost my cool earlier today after checking out your rooms, but honestly, it’s your fault. When I asked you — while you were glued to your screens — if your spaces were tidy, and you all mumbled something resembling a “yes,” I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off and had to see for myself. I realize I got a bit intense, but just to be clear, this isn’t an apology. Nope. This is a “Here’s How It’s Going to Be From Now On” letter, so pay attention, darlings:
News flash, my dear children, I am your mother. I’m the head honcho in this household, not your maid, butler, or a doormat. You’re old enough to know better! I’ve reminded you countless times to pick up after yourselves, and it honestly pains me to recall how many times I’ve said it. I’m done. I set the tone in this house, and I expect you to follow suit.
You may be wondering why I got so upset over a “few things being out of place.” Let me explain: I just spent time on my hands and knees sifting through dirty socks and underwear hiding under your beds. I encountered sights no mother should ever have to see—things that made me cringe and feel nauseous. Oh, and just a heads up, your curtains are not tissues!
After that whole adventure, I was storming down the stairs with a mountain of crusty laundry when I tripped over the shoes you left in the middle of the floor. You know, that spot where nothing should be lying around to send me crashing down with a mouthful of dirty laundry!
As I shoved the laundry into the washing machine, I almost slipped on the mess that came from your bathroom. Seriously, don’t tell me you don’t hear that splatter! After all this time, after I’ve told you to clean up anything that doesn’t make it into the toilet, you just stroll out like it never happened.
I’m finished with your excuses. I’m done offering reminders. If I find one more candy wrapper under a bed, couch, or chair, I’ll lose it. Oh wait, that’s exactly what I’m doing right now! This will be the last time I raise my voice because you can’t manage to take care of your own mess — especially the bathroom issues!
I am the gatekeeper of all things fun, so I won’t be yelling anymore about this topic. Instead, I’ll just take things away. All your devices? Gone. Friends coming over? Not happening. And if I feel like treating myself to an ice cream, don’t expect me to share. I have no qualms about enjoying a chocolate cone right in front of you, just like you have no problem watching me scrub up messes all by myself.
And don’t think I’ll forget. I’ll remember the dirty clothes on the floor, the towels that never dry, and that apple core you tried to hide under the couch cushions. Some things you just can’t unsee, and I’ll shut down all the fun in this house faster than you can stick your chewed gum on the windowsill.
It’s not too much to ask. These messes don’t happen because you “forgot” or “didn’t know.” Everyone understands that toothpaste doesn’t belong on the window and used floss should never be left on the sink. It’s called being lazy and not caring if you live in squalor. So kids, trust me when I say I have a solution for that. I know all the remedies for laziness.
Are we clear? Great. Now go clean your room.
Mom
This article was originally published on July 2, 2016.
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In summary, this letter serves as a firm reminder that as your mother, I won’t tolerate laziness and messes any longer. It’s time to take responsibility for your space and contribute to our home.