I nursed at grocery stores, parks, and cafes. I even managed to nurse while wearing her in a baby carrier as I walked down the street. I learned how to nurse over her car seat (only when the car was stationary and I was buckled in). Throughout all of this, I never received so much as a sideways glance from anyone while breastfeeding without a cover. Living in a suburb of New York City, I knew not many mothers breastfed in public, but it wasn’t entirely unusual. I took it for granted that I was never confronted about it. It didn’t even cross my mind.
However, everything changed one summer afternoon when my daughter was six months old. We were spending a week upstate and decided to grab lunch. Our dining options were limited, so we reluctantly chose a Subway. As we waited for our sandwiches, my little one needed to nurse. Without hesitation, I lifted my shirt and began to feed her. We were seated in a booth toward the back of the restaurant, and my breast and baby were mostly concealed. At the time, I didn’t think about that detail, but it would haunt me later.
Suddenly, an employee from across the room called out, “Excuse me, ma’am, you can’t do that here.”
Taken aback, I asked, “What do you mean?”
“Listen, I’ve nursed my kids too, but you can’t do that here. You have to go to the restroom if you want to continue. People are eating,” she said, gesturing toward the lone diner with his back to me. “That’s indecent exposure.”
Though I typically speak my mind, I found myself at a loss for words. I managed to mumble something about my legal right to breastfeed, but she continued to insist it was “indecent.” So, like many women who feel cornered, I left the restaurant in a hurry.
That incident happened over eight years ago, and I can still feel the tears welling up and the fear coursing through me. Even while fully clothed, her words made me feel exposed. No one was really watching, yet it felt as if the entire world was focused on me.
I feel a twinge of embarrassment even now—not because of what occurred, but because I didn’t stand up to that woman. Even after receiving an apology from Subway and a letter from the store owner promising to educate staff about mothers’ rights, I never felt entirely comfortable nursing in public again.
I continued to breastfeed, but that initial sense of freedom was gone. I became hyper-aware of my surroundings, constantly checking what I was wearing and how much skin was visible when my baby unlatched.
Not long after that experience, I became a breastfeeding counselor and later a board-certified lactation consultant (IBCLC). I can talk for hours about the dysfunction in our culture—how breasts are overly sexualized, making breastfeeding seem inappropriate. While 49 out of 50 states have laws protecting a woman’s right to breastfeed in public, very few have real consequences for violations.
We need to actively report incidents of harassment and attend nurse-ins to normalize public breastfeeding. Supporting new mothers with encouragement and accurate information is vital. Unfortunately, anger and frustration can’t restore the innocence that was stripped away from me that day.
Women face harassment daily for breastfeeding, and many incidents go unreported. Some women choose to breastfeed in private or use covers, while others turn to pumping and bottles. As a lactation consultant, I never dictate whether a mother should or shouldn’t breastfeed in public; it’s a deeply personal choice.
I wish I could assure mothers that nursing in public is always safe, but the reality is that many still face harassment. This issue extends beyond personal preferences; it’s a matter of human dignity and rights. It’s disheartening that in 2016, women still hesitate to breastfeed in public. That needs to change.
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Summary
Public breastfeeding should not come with feelings of shame or fear. While many women face harassment for nursing in public, the conversation needs to shift towards normalization and support. It’s essential to advocate for breastfeeding rights and provide encouragement to new mothers.