When I was expecting my first child, I had an extensive list of items I believed were essential for parenting. A crib and changing table seemed like givens, while a diaper pail felt crucial. And let’s not forget that incredibly cozy (and overpriced) rocking chair that I thought was a must-have.
Once my baby arrived, my list grew to include a mountain of books. I’m not just talking about the cute baby books or board books, but a plethora of self-help and parenting guides. With a newborn who cried endlessly and barely slept, I was eager for any bit of advice. I was desperate!
Before long, my list expanded to include a high-end stroller, an elaborate baby activity center, fancy bottles that resembled something out of a lab, insights on introducing solids, strategies for getting my baby to sleep through the night, yet another changing table, and even more books filled with promises to solve all my parenting dilemmas.
But in reality, I didn’t need any of that stuff. Not a single item.
Instead of drowning in unsolicited advice, contradictory information, and pricey products, here’s what parents genuinely need:
- We need patience and kindness, and a hand to hold the darn door.
When we’re navigating a doorway with a diaper bag the size of a suitcase, a stroller that feels like a small vehicle, a toddler who’s ready to bolt, and a baby strapped to our chest, we just want someone to open the door for us. We don’t need judgment for our oversized stroller or the chaos of a screaming child. A little understanding goes a long way. - We need encouragement and offers of support.
When we confess to being on the brink of exhaustion from sleepless nights, we don’t need to hear about the latest sleep training methods. We’ve probably tried them all. Instead, we need someone to listen, empathize, and say, “I get it. It’s tough. Let me take the baby for a bit.” - We need understanding and grace.
When we slip up, whether it’s yelling at our kids or zoning out during a long-winded story, we don’t need criticism. We certainly don’t need people questioning our intentions or love for our children. Compassion is what we crave, not judgment. - We need a community.
Having friends with kids is wonderful, but a community goes beyond casual playdates and sharing favorite teachers. A true support system will coordinate meal deliveries when you return home from the hospital, watch your kids for an afternoon so you can recharge, and offer advice only when asked. - And we need heaps of grace — for ourselves and others.
No one is perfect. Seriously, it’s time to drop the facade. I mess up daily. I give in to my kids’ demands for extra treats or screen time. I sometimes let them have too much junk food, and I don’t read with them as much as I should. But I also have my wins. Every night, I remind myself to forgive my slip-ups and embrace the chaos of parenthood.
Looking back, I wish I had focused more on what truly mattered instead of getting sidetracked by books filled with advice and expensive gadgets. I would have listened to my instincts more, spent less on unnecessary items like expensive gear, and prioritized self-care instead of worrying about others’ opinions and the latest parenting trends. What parents truly need is a solid support network, a selective memory, and the freedom to not give a darn about everything else.
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