Dear Diary,
Hooray! My kids are officially out of school, and summer break is here! Ten glorious weeks without the tyranny of alarm clocks, homework crises, and the mad dash to catch the bus while clutching a forgotten lunch box, all while wearing a bathrobe that really should have been retired ages ago.
This summer, we’re embracing a retro vibe—no screens allowed! Just me, my kids, and a trusty minivan ready for adventure. I’ve spent weeks crafting our itinerary, poring over Pinterest for creative ideas to ensure every day is brimming with summer joy. One suggestion I came across was to keep a summer journal, as these fleeting moments with my children are too precious to forget. Honestly, my memories of past summers feel like they’ve been wiped from my mind—like the way people describe blacking out just before a car crash.
Week 1
We kicked off our summer by visiting the zoo, joining what felt like the entire population in pursuit of the “best summer ever.” We were funneled in like cattle from the parking lot, stroller parade and all, getting stuck in the gift shop (the only place for miles with air conditioning). As we emerged into the heat, I exclaimed, “What a perfect day for the zoo!” to a fellow mom, perhaps a bit more enthusiastically than necessary. “Absolutely!” she replied, her smile a tad too wide for genuine delight.
Week 2
Out of the 90 Pinterest ideas I found, my kids rejected nearly all of them. I was flabbergasted. Who wouldn’t want to create a puppet show inspired by West Side Story or embark on a local light bulb factory tour? Apparently, my kids have a different definition of fun. Time to regroup!
Week 3
I’ve officially run out of Pinterest inspiration. In light of this, I’ve decided to lift my electronics ban. I’m in desperate need of a breather and some time to brainstorm new activities. Plus, the screens provide a much-needed break from the constant bickering—it’s like they thrive on driving me up the wall! Oh, and I took up smoking… good thing we have a vacation coming up!
Week 4
“Vacation” means something entirely different once you have kids. Honestly, it feels like a joke. Traveling with little ones should be dubbed “trip,” “chaos,” or “HEY HONEY, SINCE I DID ALL THE PLANNING, CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS UMBRELLA?” Seriously, why does it always have to go there?!
Week 5
My kids have formed a united front against me. It’s as if they’re competing to see who can push my buttons the hardest. Their tactics include: whining about boredom while dismissing every suggestion I make, standing in front of a fully stocked fridge claiming there’s nothing to eat, and yelling out the window, “Mommy’s pooping!” at passing neighbors.
Week 6
Eureka! The best idea ever—two weeks of sleepaway camp! I loved it as a child. Unfortunately, by this time in the summer, all the good camps were filled, so I settled for the only one available: circus camp. Or at least that’s what I think it was; the kids had to fill out W-2s before they could start grooming the “yak woman.”
Week 7
I’m missing my kids terribly—two weeks is way too long! I’m eager to kiss their sweet faces. What was so troublesome about summer in the first place?
Week 8
My children have morphed into little demons. Back in my day, my mom would drive us to our 9 a.m. swimming lessons, give us a dollar for a candy bar and a Coke for lunch, and tell us to call her at 6. If we dared to call early, her response was always, “Is there blood? No? Then I’ll be there at 6.” I used to think she was nuts; now I believe she’d make a fantastic president.
Week 9
stares blankly at calendar
Week 10
We made it! This week, I took the kids shopping for school supplies, and it felt like Christmas morning. Parents were pouring into the store, finally able to exhale, their eyes glazed over yet grinning as they compared prices on notebooks. I spotted the woman from the zoo. “We did it,” she said, getting a bit emotional as she shook me by the shoulders. “We survived!”
“I know,” I replied, wiping away my own tears. “How about next week we do that West Side Story puppet show? I’ve got everything we need!”