The other day at the local pool, a child was running around, prompting the attendant to remind him to walk — a standard pool rule. The child’s father, a burly and serious figure, approached the attendant and asserted that as the boy’s dad, he alone has the authority to direct his child’s behavior. He insisted that if there was an issue, it should be addressed to him, not his child. Essentially, he believed that his kid could disregard the rules as long as he gave the green light.
The attendant remained professional and calmly explained that enforcing the rules is part of his job and that “no running” is a universal pool guideline. However, the father doubled down, trying to intimidate the attendant by claiming that he saw nothing wrong with his child’s actions. In his view, the child was free to run because he said so — completely disregarding the established rules.
This incident highlights a troubling trend among some parents who fear outside guidance when it comes to their children. A friend of my sister’s once offered some gentle advice to her child about sharing. Realizing the faux pas in today’s parenting culture, the friend quickly apologized for overstepping. But my sister was taken aback. “I want you to correct my kids if they’re misbehaving!” she exclaimed. “They need to learn that authority comes from more than just me!”
If I’m the only one who can guide my children, I’m setting them up for failure by creating unrealistic expectations about the world. Following the logic of the pool dad, lifeguards wouldn’t be able to enforce safety, teachers wouldn’t teach, and managers wouldn’t manage.
The obsession with creating a perfect environment for our children is becoming a national pastime. We all know that mom who is incessantly at school, advocating for her child to get straight A’s or be part of the gifted program. Fast forward to college, and professors will be rolling their eyes at calls from parents trying to meddle in matters that are none of their concern.
I recently had an encounter where my middle-schooler and his project partner didn’t turn in an assignment on time, despite multiple reminders. The other child’s mother, whom I met only once, came to my house and wouldn’t leave until we discussed the “injustice” of the situation for nearly an hour. I told her that sometimes kids need to experience failure to learn, and that’s part of growing up.
My high-schooler has had his share of failures, and I’ve made it clear that it’s my responsibility to let him face challenges while he’s still under my roof. Learning to navigate disappointment is a crucial life skill. I refuse to have my child fall apart when he faces adversity in college because I was there to fix everything for him.
To those who know my kids: please feel free to guide them. It’s perfectly fine to remind them not to put their feet on your coffee table or to stop running around. As they get older, they’ll need gentle reminders not to devour all your snacks or to respect your freshly vacuumed carpet. Whatever house rules you have, I encourage you to uphold them with my kids. After all, I want them to learn how to respect others’ boundaries and understand the importance of following rules.
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In summary, it’s essential to allow other adults to guide our children. It prepares them for the real world and teaches them valuable lessons about respect and responsibility.