Recently, while giving my daughter a bath, we started chatting about her favorite animated films, specifically Disney’s Robin Hood. She expressed her enjoyment of the movie but was puzzled by the ending where the protagonists kiss and get married.
“You know, you might want to get married someday…”
“I might want to marry a girl.”
“That’s perfectly fine!”
“Girls can marry girls, and boys can marry boys.”
“That’s right. The most important thing is that you marry someone you truly love.”
I’ll pause here to spare you the details of her amusing comments about wanting to marry her favorite stuffed animals and friends from preschool.
Children are inherently open-minded. They don’t come into this world with biases or beliefs that one group is superior to another. They don’t seek to prevent anyone from experiencing love or joy. My daughter hasn’t shown any negative reactions to diverse characters in films, like the same-sex couple in Finding Dory, nor has she been affected by any of Elsa’s so-called unconventional choices, aside from a brief obsession with that catchy song.
When prejudices do develop in children, they are often learned from us. They observe our behaviors, absorb our beliefs, and internalize the language we use. This is why the words we choose matter so much.
Rethinking Tolerance
Today, I want to reflect on the term “tolerance.” While it may seem harmless, it carries a significant weight of negativity. To tolerate someone suggests a sense of superiority or the need to endure something uncomfortable or disagreeable. When discussing diversity, whether it’s regarding the LGBTQ+ community, ethnic differences, or gender identities, the notion of tolerance often comes with an implicit judgment.
We should be guiding our children to embrace and celebrate the differences among people, rather than simply tolerating them. The presence of diversity is not a burden for anyone; it’s something to be cherished.
Certainly, using “tolerate” instead of “accept” isn’t outright hate speech, but the subtlety of its negativity can be more dangerous. It disguises prejudice and allows discrimination to persist under the guise of partial acceptance. This language enables individuals to express their biases while feeling justified, thus undermining genuine inclusivity.
When we dress up our supposed enlightenment with such language, it can taint the conversation. Call it semantics or political correctness if you will, but the impact of our words is undeniable. They can influence not just discussions but entire communities. Our language should reflect the inclusivity we seek in our actions; otherwise, they will be at odds, leading to mixed messages for our children.
In my recent conversation with my daughter, I recognized her innate innocence and wanted to nurture it. I was careful with my words, ensuring I didn’t confuse her during a light-hearted exchange. The language we choose has the power to shape our children’s views for a lifetime, and I aimed to get it right.
I’m intentionally teaching my children about “acceptance” rather than “tolerance.” I want them to understand that it’s not enough to just coexist with those who are different; we must fully embrace humanity in all its forms, without reservation—even in the face of those who may not be accepting in return.
Further Reading
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In summary, let’s teach our children to accept and celebrate diversity, fostering a world where love and acceptance reign supreme.