As I re-enter the world of education, I can’t help but reflect on a delightful observation from my six-year-old son: “So, let me get this straight, Mom. You went to mommy school to learn how to be a mommy, right? So now that you’re a mommy, you want to go back to school to learn how to be a teacher? Oh, I get it now. Cool.”
Thus, the concept of a Real Mom University was born—a place where mothers could enroll in courses to equip themselves for the wild ride that is motherhood. But first, every hopeful participant would need to fulfill a prerequisite course. Below is a syllabus designed to help you grasp the realities of motherhood. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, lightheaded, or breaking out in a cold sweat while reading, consider this a sign that you might not be quite ready for motherhood yet. Perhaps you could reapply later!
Everything They Never Tell You But You Really Need to Know to Survive Motherhood:
- Expect to conduct all bathroom functions with an audience, complete with commentary, critiques, and a personal rating system. This includes everything from urinating to the occasional popping of a pimple.
- Prepare to second-guess every decision you make—what you say, wear, eat, drink, buy, or even sell—because your mind will be constantly occupied with how every little choice might affect your children.
- You will discover the true meaning of unconditional love. Your child will express their admiration for your looks even when you’re in your oldest pajamas, sporting morning eye crust, and sporting breath that could clear out a small town.
- You will inevitably find yourself smiling and nodding in agreement when your child politely requests the last extra crispy french fry just as it’s about to reach your mouth.
- Forget about “a sound sleep.” After kids, you’ll wake up at every little sound, even a raccoon rummaging through a garbage can several blocks away, despite knowing it has nothing to do with your children’s safety.
- You’ll meticulously plan a night out with fellow moms, eagerly anticipating a brief escape from mommy duties, only to spend most of the evening talking about, bragging about, and missing your kids.
- You’ll master the art of showering in under three minutes and have to prioritize whether mascara or deodorant is more important when you realize you only have two minutes left before you must rush the kids to school.
- You may often forget to wear a bra, but you will never forget your child’s first word—“gog” while pointing at the dog—or the pink outfit they wore when they crawled for the first time.
- You will beam with joy when overhearing another mom lament about her child’s latest bathroom mishap, realizing that this one is not your problem to deal with.
- After a long, exhausting day, you’ll be thrilled to see your kids finally asleep. Yet, as you pass their rooms on your way to your own cozy bed, you’ll likely tiptoe in to watch them sleep for at least twenty minutes, possibly shedding tears of joy over their innocence and beauty.
At the conclusion of this course, you may still feel utterly clueless about how to be the perfect mother. But take comfort in this advice: stay calm, carry on, and act like you know exactly what you’re doing at all times. This journey is a once-in-a-lifetime adventure, so buckle up, hold on tight, and enjoy every moment of it. There’s nothing quite like it, mama.
For more insights into motherhood, check out this other blog post. And if you’re exploring at-home insemination options, consider visiting Make A Mom for high-quality syringe kits. Additionally, you can find valuable information about fertility treatments at the March of Dimes.
Summary:
This article humorously explores the realities of motherhood through the lens of a fictional “Real Mom University,” outlining ten essential lessons every mother should know. While the journey is challenging, it’s filled with love, laughter, and unforgettable moments.
Leave a Reply