It all hinges on how I wake up each morning. Am I jolted awake by a blaring alarm (slight annoyance), a child whining before dawn (mild frustration), or my partner’s snoring (absolute fury)? The way I transition from sleep to wakefulness seems to dictate the emotional climate of the day — or at least it used to, before I figured things out.
Like many moms, I grapple with common challenges. I’m exhausted, much like every mother I know. I do what’s recommended: I prioritize self-care, take deep breaths, and strive to do my best. Yet, there are moments when life feels overwhelming, and my children pick up on it.
Recently, I had a profound realization: I am the one who sets the emotional tone in our home. It’s not my partner, nor is it our spirited oldest child or our vocal toddler. It’s me. And honestly? I was doing a pretty poor job of it. Sure, I managed to keep my kids fed and dressed, but my attitude? It was lacking.
I’ve come across this concept in various parenting books and articles, often brushing it aside because I considered myself emotionally stable prior to motherhood. I thought, “It’s 2016 — surely the emotional health of our household shouldn’t rest solely on my shoulders.” I’ve got aspirations beyond parenting, and my partner and I are a team — shouldn’t half of this responsibility be his?
In theory, yes. But in reality, I’ve come to understand that as the mother, I often bear a heavier load. Despite progress in gender equality, it’s clear that my kids can sense when I’m not okay, and that influences their behavior, for better or worse. There’s an unspoken emotional connection; just as I can intuit when one of my kids is upset, they can also tell when I’m not myself.
When I’m irritable, they mirror that mood. When I’m joyful, they seem to radiate happiness as well. Conversely, when I’m stressed, chaos ensues. And when I attempt to mask my feelings, they somehow still know. No pressure, right?
For years, I tried to ignore this reality, focusing solely on getting through each day. Through this, I recognized a pattern: when I was sleep-deprived from caring for a fussy baby, my toddler would test my patience to the max. Yet, on days when I felt rested and upbeat, my children appeared more relaxed. It’s a ripple effect that ultimately traces back to me.
My emotional state is intricately linked to my children’s; my feelings shape my parenting and interactions with them. They observe me closely, imitating my behaviors. The moment I acknowledged this connection was the moment I decided to make some changes.
It took time, but I discovered a balance that worked for my sanity. I started working part-time, giving myself a break from the demands of motherhood while tapping into aspects of myself that had been dormant. I joined a gym that offered childcare, and I began checking in with myself daily to stay connected with my own needs. Sometimes we forget that as moms, we are individuals too!
Owning up to my emotional health is challenging. It’s easy to point fingers at my partner’s shortcomings (and there are plenty!) or find excuses for my own behavior. But being an adult involves facing the reality of who you are. If I wanted a joyful household, I had to start with myself. Relying on my partner or kids to create that happiness wasn’t effective. They have their roles, but it all begins with me.
Once I found my center, my family followed my lead. It initiated a wave of positivity throughout our home. It’s astonishing to see the significant impact I can have, both positively and negatively, on my family. It’s amusing how I can demonstrate countless physical tasks (like putting dirty clothes in the hamper), and they often ignore them, yet when it comes to our attitudes… that energy is contagious.
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Summary
In this reflective piece, Jamie Rivers discusses the impact of her emotional state on her family dynamics. Recognizing her role as the primary emotional influencer in her household, she shares her journey toward self-awareness and self-care. By prioritizing her own well-being, she found that her family mirrored her emotional tone, leading to a more harmonious home environment.