My son struggles with remembering names. A part of it is due to his ADHD, and the rest is simply that he forgets immediately after someone introduces themselves. This became a real challenge when it was time to hand out birthday invitations. Jake couldn’t recall who his friends were. “That girl with the curly hair who likes dinosaurs” isn’t exactly suitable for addressing an invitation. We didn’t pretend it wasn’t a problem.
“I know names are tough for you, Jake, but can you think of any you do remember?” I asked, feeling a bit hopeless.
He managed to list a couple.
I bit my tongue to hold back a frustrated “ugh.”
“Let’s brainstorm some strategies to help you remember people’s names. You could ask them again or have someone else, like me, ask for you—because that’s totally normal, right? You can repeat their name a few times after they introduce themselves and even let them know you struggle with names, so it’s okay to ask again. How about we practice those ideas?”
My kids are pretty amazing. But they don’t excel at everything. Like all children, they need to be aware of this—not just practically (we needed to get those birthday invitations sent out) but also socially. They should understand their strengths and weaknesses to navigate their world effectively.
Most importantly, they need to recognize their imperfections.
Overprotective parenting can prevent kids from failing—whether it’s falling off the monkey bars, misreading a word, or getting a poor grade. When they’re shielded from failure, they develop a skewed view of their capabilities. Without understanding their weaknesses, they risk stumbling hard when they finally encounter a challenge.
Addressing your child’s weaknesses can be a sensitive issue. Many parents worry about demoralizing their kids, which often leads to overprotective parenting. But there are constructive ways to help children come to terms with their weaknesses and reinforce their strengths.
1. Own Your Weaknesses.
Be honest about your challenges—not in a superficial way, but genuinely share your struggles, like managing time or staying organized. Invite your child into the conversation: “I find it so tough to be on time. I never gauge how long it’ll take me to get ready, and I often get sidetracked. It’s frustrating.” This gives your child a chance to respond and perhaps suggest solutions.
2. Acknowledge Your Child’s Weaknesses.
It’s tough, but we must face it. Instead of saying “math isn’t his best subject,” try “Wow, you’re really struggling with riding your bike.” Follow it up with, “We can practice more if you want.” This highlights that with effort and determination, improvement is possible.
3. Discuss Strategies for Improvement.
If your child needs to work harder in math, let them know and create a plan together. For those with learning differences, collaborate with their therapist to set attainable goals.
4. Avoid False Expectations.
Be clear that your child may not excel in certain areas. They might not be as good at math as their peers, just like you may never master ballet. That’s fine! Balance this reality by discussing how everyone has strengths and weaknesses, including you.
5. Be Cautious with Praise.
Excessive praise can lead to kids expecting compliments and ignoring them. If you want to foster an honest dialogue about their strengths and weaknesses, reserve your praise for genuine accomplishments.
6. Skip the Generic Praise.
Instead of saying, “Good job!” try “Wow, you really put in a lot of effort!” This emphasizes their hard work instead of relying on innate talent. Kids can always choose to work hard, but natural talent is not always within their control.
7. Highlight Their Strengths.
If you’re upfront about their weaknesses, they won’t tune out your feedback. Specific acknowledgments like “You’re fantastic at reading complex words,” or “You have a great kick in soccer,” reinforce their unique strengths and ensure they don’t feel inadequate in areas where they struggle.
Chances are, unless you’re raising a prodigy, your child is bound to have a few shortcomings. As a parent, your role is to help them recognize this reality—not to bring them down, but to equip them to improve and understand themselves better. Discussing weaknesses is not about discouragement; it’s about building resilience.
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Summary:
Recognizing and addressing your child’s weaknesses is essential for their development. Instead of avoiding the topic, parents should have open discussions about their own and their child’s challenges. By fostering a growth mindset, encouraging hard work, and emphasizing strengths, parents can help their children navigate their imperfections while building confidence.