Lean in. Work-life balance. The integrated life. “Having it all.” We’ve all heard these phrases thrown around, often in the name of empowerment and reducing stress. But let’s be real: they’re pretty much nonsense. What began as an empowering message for modern feminism has morphed into this unrealistic expectation for women to excel in every aspect of their lives. And honestly, these notions have strayed far from the essence of true feminism.
I want to be clear: I fully identify as a feminist and support systemic changes that enable both women and men to have fulfilling careers and families. However, the idea that anyone can genuinely “have it all” is utterly absurd. It’s time to stop perpetuating this myth. News flash: NO ONE can have it all. Seriously, let’s just put an end to the chatter about “having it all.”
Despite our best efforts, the concept remains ingrained in our culture, much like a clingy toddler. We see women busting their butts at work, feeling the need to apologize for a messy home or for not volunteering for every PTA event. We see women who step away from their careers to care for children labeling themselves as “just” stay-at-home moms. The result? A constant undercurrent of guilt for not being able to juggle all the demands of life.
The assumption that “having it all” is a goal places an unfair burden on women, holding them to standards that are rarely expected of men. We don’t question whether men can have it all, nor do we expect them to balance career, family, and personal success in the same way. Just take a look at the humorous and satirical “Man Who Has It All” social media accounts to see the glaring double standards.
Why should women be pressured into achieving everything—career, family, and personal fulfillment—while men are seldom held to the same expectations? And what about women who, due to various circumstances, either can’t or simply don’t want to “have it all”? Feminism should advocate for equality for all women, not just those who fit a specific mold.
It’s also important to recognize the systemic issues at play—salary gaps, inadequate parental leave policies, and so on—that hinder women from achieving this so-called all-encompassing life. Additionally, we often place immense pressure on ourselves to meet these unrealistic standards. Life is all about choices, and we have a limited amount of time and energy. When we fill our plates with more responsibilities—whether it’s work, family, or self-care—we inevitably have to remove something else. If we try to do it all, we risk overwhelming ourselves and, let’s face it, dropping our metaphorical plates faster than a toddler spilling juice on a new rug.
So let’s just stop the noise about “having it all.” If we can’t accept that no one truly achieves this, we’re setting ourselves up for unnecessary stress and feelings of inadequacy. Instead of debating whether women can or can’t have it all, let’s prioritize the value of caregivers in our society. It’s vital that new parents receive proper postpartum care and that both mothers and fathers can take meaningful time off work after welcoming a child. We need to practice saying “no” more often and give ourselves grace when we can’t do it all perfectly.
Let’s stop using qualifiers like “just” when describing the role of a stay-at-home parent, and let’s move beyond labeling moms as working, stay-at-home, or whatever else. We are all parents, no matter how we choose to fill our lives. The buffet of what constitutes a “full life” is vast, and it’s simply impossible for anyone to have it all. Besides, we all know that even if we could somehow fill our plates with everything, we’d just end up cutting pancakes into tiny bites, juggling a baby on our knees, and coaxing toddlers to eat their veggies—all while never truly enjoying the meal we prepared.
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In summary, let’s free ourselves from the unrealistic expectations of having it all. Instead, we should embrace our unique paths and support one another in our choices, whatever they may be.