“How have you been?” my friend asks over the phone, thousands of miles away. “I’m good!” I reply. “Busy, but good.”
This has become my default response, and I suspect I’m not alone in this. Most of us offer up some variation of “Fine,” “Good,” or “Great.” While there’s a kernel of truth to it — I am generally okay — it’s a bit vague, isn’t it? What does “good” even signify? Does it mean just alright? Does it mean exceptional? Is it simply a way of saying “not bad”? It’s almost like a polite evasion, allowing us to shift the conversation to other topics.
But imagine if we answered that question with complete honesty. When I say, “I’m good,” there’s a whirlwind of feelings swirling inside me, including:
- I’m so drained I’m seriously contemplating a coffee IV.
- If I hear another child complain about dinner, I might just lose it.
- I worry constantly that I’m messing up my kids.
- I feel like I’m juggling five glass balls, and nobody taught me how to do it.
- My love for my children is so intense that it sometimes feels overwhelming.
- I think my brain might just explode from the chaos.
- I’m always anxious about everything — kids, work, finances, the world, and yes, even my cat who won’t stop misbehaving.
- I occasionally cry in the shower.
- I’m in awe of how my kids are growing and learning every day.
- Some nights I sleep like a rock, and other nights I’m crushed by the weight of motherhood.
- I adore my kids more than anything, yet there are moments I wish I could escape.
- I’m trying to juggle being a mother, wife, sister, daughter, employee, artist, and individual all at once.
- I can’t quite remember who I was before motherhood, and I sometimes miss that person.
- The thought of my children growing up makes my heart ache.
Even when I feel happy and grateful, there’s an undercurrent of complex emotions that comes with motherhood: constant worry, deep love, and conflicting desires — all swirling beneath the surface. Sometimes, these feelings bubble up, often in the shower or even erupting after a long day when the kids are finally asleep. Yet, that river of emotion is always flowing through me.
Should we share these feelings? I believe we should, especially with our close friends and fellow moms. We all experience that chaotic current and wonder if we’re alone in our struggles. If we don’t express our truth, we risk feeling isolated in the same space.
But do people really want to hear the full story? That’s unclear. “I’m good” doesn’t do justice to the reality of motherhood, so perhaps I should just say, “I’m a mom,” and leave it at that. For those of us navigating this journey, that encapsulates everything.
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In conclusion, while we may often say we’re “good,” there’s a deeper narrative beneath those words. Embracing honesty about our experiences can foster connection and understanding among mothers.