Despite our best efforts, humanity often struggles to coexist peacefully. People inflict pain on one another for reasons that can be bewildering to us. Sadly, this harsh reality looms over us as parents, especially when raising children like my youngest son, who grapples with anxiety.
He often finds himself overwhelmed by emotions, even during something as lighthearted as a talent show. His sensitive nature makes him a wonderfully compassionate person, capable of bringing about positive change, but it also makes him vulnerable to hurt and disappointment. As a mother, my instinct is always to safeguard him.
When news of the tragic events in Orlando surfaced, my first thought was how to shield him from it. I longed to protect his innocence at just 8 years old. Admittedly, I dreaded the thought of facing days filled with tears and sleepless nights. Parenting through such moments is draining, and I questioned if I could handle it.
Then, an older child outside shared the gruesome details of the incident, prompting my son to seek answers from me, his trusted guide. I won’t lie—I considered downplaying it, pretending it wasn’t significant, or telling him not to worry. But the truth is, it was significant, and he should be concerned. We all should be, especially the younger generation.
Our children will inherit a world where love can lead to violence against others. They will live in neighborhoods where such acts occur with little regard for human life. They will witness these atrocities repeatedly while many of us merely express sorrow but fail to advocate for change. I want my son to be ready for that future. I want him to see that I don’t just talk about love and acceptance—I act on those beliefs too.
I want him to understand the importance of bravery. I want him to feel proud of who he is. I want him to know that he can help others and that living in fear is not the answer. I want him to feel empowered amidst chaos and recognize that what happened was unjust. We don’t need to remain silent about it.
So, we sat down and discussed it—whatever he could handle, as openly as possible.
I explained that the man who caused harm did not just affect the victims but all of us. This fight is not theirs alone; it belongs to all of us. If some cannot be free, then none of us truly are, and we can strive to do better—every single one of us.
Here’s how we can help our children understand the tragedy in Orlando and how they can contribute positively:
- Educate Yourself
While keeping up with the news is important, understanding the broader context is crucial. Equip yourself to be a better advocate so your children can follow suit. Make an effort to learn the terminology and the realities of being LGBTQ in America. It’s not enough to say, “I have a gay friend”—you need to genuinely engage with these issues. I constantly find myself reeducating, aiming to help my children grasp the meaning behind words like “queer” and “transgender.” - Start Conversations
Discuss not only the tragedy but also the struggles surrounding it. Talk about the value of human life, the need for safety and acceptance, and the crucial differences between tolerance and acceptance. Children should know they can trust you to be honest, even if it’s not appropriate to share everything at once. Many kids are ready to hear more than we think. If you don’t want to discuss sexuality, talk about love, equality, compassion, and kindness instead. - Focus on What Matters
At this moment, avoid diverting the conversation into judgments of others’ lifestyles. Instead, use this incident as a teaching moment to guide and help. - Encourage Giving
My son understands that sometimes financial contributions can help. He decided to donate $28—his leftover birthday money—to charities supporting Orlando, which is a significant amount for an 8-year-old. I matched his donation. If you’re interested in contributing, check out these options: here, here, or here. - Promote Love, Not Hate
Together, my son and I devised a plan for kids, with or without birthday money, to show their support. He brainstormed various ways to help and then sat at his craft table to create art. He came up with the messages himself (after a little guidance). He hopes that other children will join in by creating hearts or flags to express their love and support, reminding those in pain that they are not alone—because, as he put it, they are part of our family and need our help.
Encourage your kids to create a heart or flag and share it with the hashtag #ChooseLoveProject. The more love, joy, and understanding we spread, the louder the message that violence against any life is unacceptable, and everyone deserves love will resonate. My son desires to see more love and less hate for all.
This article was originally published on June 21, 2016.
Summary
Parenting in a world filled with violence and hate can be challenging, especially for children who are sensitive and anxious. It’s essential for parents to have open conversations about tragic events, fostering understanding and empathy in their children. By educating themselves, discussing important topics, and encouraging acts of kindness and love, parents can empower their children to face a chaotic world with compassion and strength.