Before my second son arrived, I secretly hoped for a daughter. After all, with one boy already in the mix, I longed for a little girl who might lean toward me for a change! But now that I have two wonderful boys, I wouldn’t trade them for anything — well, maybe a moment of peace and quiet, but that seems like a distant dream.
Interestingly, many fathers I know with daughters often express how daunting it is to raise girls, especially as they grow older. I get it; girls face significant challenges, not least of which is navigating relationships with boys. Often, these conversations are laced with humor, but the underlying truth is sobering: too many men find it amusing to threaten young suitors who dare to approach their daughters. This reality is baffling to me, and I can’t help but wonder why we’re so frightened.
The fear that fathers feel about the potential dangers their daughters face at the hands of boys reveals a troubling truth—it’s an acknowledgment of guilt paired with inaction. Perhaps if fathers of sons took more responsibility in raising respectful boys, there wouldn’t be as much to fear. The reality is that if I do a better job instilling values in my sons, it could alleviate some of the worries parents have about their daughters.
That’s why I’m committed to raising my boys to be feminists. The resistance some men show towards feminism often stems from outdated beliefs or insecurities masked as bravado. I can’t understand why anyone would fear equality; it benefits us all.
How can we expect our children—regardless of gender—to grasp the concept of fairness when we live in a world where some individuals earn significantly less than others for the same work? Where harassment and abuse are all too common, and those who seek help are often dismissed?
While the larger issues like discrimination, harassment, and the wage gap are crucial to address, I believe the groundwork begins with small lessons. I’m teaching my boys to treat the girls they encounter with kindness and respect, to listen to their opinions, and to appreciate that girls have just as much right to enjoy superheroes, excel in sports, and aspire to leadership roles as they do. And conversely, it’s equally important for them to understand that boys can embrace all kinds of interests, including those traditionally seen as feminine.
But it’s not just about what I say; it’s also about what they observe. My sons see the respect and love I have for their mother firsthand. They witness our shared decision-making and the mutual respect that underpins our relationship. They’ll learn that their mother is just as competent and capable as I am, in all aspects of life. They’ll never witness me belittling her, disregarding her opinions, or asserting dominance over her. Instead, they’ll see us as a team, where trust and respect are paramount.
The goal is not about one gender dominating the other; it’s about creating a world where women are valued equally to men, earn the same wages, and have the same opportunities. You don’t need to be a woman to advocate for feminism; it’s fundamentally an issue of equality. If more men embraced this cause, many of the problems we face would dissipate.
By raising my boys with respect and empathy, I’m hopeful that other parents won’t have to fear for their daughters’ safety around them. I may not have a daughter of my own, but I’m dedicated to ensuring that my sons contribute positively to the world, allowing all children, regardless of gender, to flourish.
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