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Parenting
Can a Mom Catch a Break?
by Clara Thompson
Updated: June 17, 2016
Originally Published: June 17, 2016
I find myself on my bed, computer resting on my lap, ready to tackle the day. It’s Saturday morning at 9 a.m., and my goal is to scroll through my entire Facebook News Feed before I need to take my son to soccer practice at 10 a.m. It might not be the most ambitious goal, but as a 37-year-old full-time working mom, Facebook is about as social as I get. You might chuckle, but I know you’re on there too, because I just saw you liked my post!
While my husband is off having his daily “chat with the governor,” my kids are happily playing in their rooms. I’ve already taken care of feeding, dressing, bathing, and cleaning everyone up. Finally, I’m prepared for a much-needed moment of peace.
When my husband finally emerges from his bathroom break 20 minutes later, this is what unfolds:
My 3-year-old bursts into the room: “Mommy, can you do my hair? I want a twisty braid—not a straight one, but an Elsa side-braid with this purple hair tie!”
Me: grumbling “Fine…” (I braid furiously and tie it off) “Now, please let me have a moment!”
Husband: “That was not nice. How could you tell her to go away? This is family time, and you should be connecting with her instead of scrolling through Facebook.”
While my husband was busy with his own business, I dealt with a barrage of interruptions: 458 to be exact (I counted). I managed four costume changes, three different hairstyles, mediated seven arguments, rejected two snack requests, and reminded one child where her water was (hint: it’s in her cup). All of this while managing to read just one brief scroll of Facebook statuses—one single, tiny scroll in 20 minutes of my supposed “me time.”
If you are the main caregiver, you know this routine all too well. It’s just another day in the parenting world. We agreed to welcome children into our lives, and along with that comes a fair share of interruptions.
These daily parenting challenges often go unnoticed by everyone around us. No one intends to become the family’s doormat, but between the guilt of being a working mom, the ease of marital complacency, and a desire to avoid any judgment, we end up neglecting our own needs without even realizing it.
What if we decided to pay attention to our needs? What if one day we collectively said, “Enough is enough! I deserve 20 minutes to myself to do whatever I want, even if it’s just watching adorable cat videos on YouTube!” What if we stopped racing around fulfilling every obligation society throws at us, trying to be better, slimmer, smarter versions of ourselves?
In our efforts to advance the women’s liberation movement and juggle multiple roles, we sometimes lose sight of who we really are. I know I have. My own mother would have sent me outside to play while she enjoyed a whole romance novel, yet I struggle to find even three minutes to check my Twitter notifications.
Even worse, I’ve allowed my husband and kids to forget that I have my own interests and passions outside of motherhood.
This morning, as my husband casts a disapproving glance my way, I shut my laptop slowly. I stand up, ready to unleash my frustrations (not literally, of course) and remind them of all the moments I’ve devoted to them since they woke me up at 6:57 a.m.
I might not go full-on destruction mode, but I will have a chat with my kids about the last time they did something nice for me. When was the last time they let me sleep in, or use the bathroom without someone knocking on the door? Their sad faces won’t sway me.
I could gather up all the reminders of my motherhood—old maternity clothes, the breast pump, and the dusty baby monitor—and toss them into the backyard for a symbolic bonfire. But instead, I’ll take a deep breath, shake my head in acknowledgment of my situation, and head back to re-dress them for another day.
While my mother’s generation burned their bras in pursuit of freedom, I feel like my generation is burning out. Perhaps those earlier activists had the right idea after all.