Want a quick way to feel like an inadequate parent? Just dive into an article or study about sleep recommendations. You’ll likely end up feeling like you’re falling short in every area.
Recently, I stumbled upon a popular piece emphasizing the necessity of early bedtimes for children. The article included research, theories, and the author’s personal anecdotes, all highlighting the benefits of getting kids to sleep early. The tagline proclaimed, “I ensure my kids are in bed by 7:30 p.m., no exceptions. As a result, they’re happier and likely even smarter and healthier because of it.”
Great, I thought. I must be a total failure. My kids typically go to bed much later. We start our winding-down routine around 8 p.m., but it seems to take forever, and they usually don’t drift off until 9 or 9:30.
But then I realized, my kids are thriving! They’re smart and healthy. Sure, they have their moments of frustration — what kid doesn’t? — but they’re generally well-behaved. Do they get tired sometimes? Absolutely, but not every day. Just like normal kids do.
So maybe I’m not such a failure after all. With naps for my youngest and the occasional late mornings for my older child, it seems they’re getting enough sleep. Besides, who cares how it all happens? And if they weren’t “smart” (whatever that means) or “healthy” (because, honestly, who has a child that doesn’t catch every bug floating around?), could I really blame it on lack of sleep?
Some kids are naturally night owls. Mine certainly are, and they tend to sleep in longer than most in the mornings. Although articles claim that the most restorative sleep occurs earlier in the night, perhaps some kids are just wired to be the “stay up late, sleep in” kind.
I’ve attempted to put them to bed earlier. I’ve initiated the bedtime process at 7 p.m., channeling my inner drill sergeant. But as soon as the lights dim, the questions start flooding in: “Mom, how hot is the sun? Why doesn’t Emma want to play with me anymore at recess? What happens when you die?”
I can’t just brush these questions off, right? I don’t need to deliver a full lecture on astronomy, friendship, or mortality, but I’m not about to ignore their profound curiosities that always seem to arise at the witching hour. This time together is valuable, and I’m okay with savoring it a bit longer, even if it means their bedtime stretches out.
Moreover, starting the bedtime routine earlier wouldn’t be feasible for us. My older son comes home from school around 3 p.m. (later if he stays for activities) and needs some downtime with a snack and screen time before dinner and family time with Dad. That brings us to 7 p.m.
Having my children spend time with their dad each day is non-negotiable for us. Many parents may be fine with tucking their kids in before their partner arrives home, but we prefer to wait until he’s around. Not only do I want my kids to enjoy some playtime with him before bed, but he’s also a key part of our bedtime routine. If he’s late coming home, the kids struggle to fall asleep without him.
Is that a bad habit? Some might think so. Maybe our approach is filled with sleep associations and crutches. Not only do we allow our kids to stay up late, but we also lie down with them until they’re asleep, if they need that comfort.
Oh boy, definitely pushing the boundaries of conventional sleep advice there.
The takeaway? Every family needs to find what works best for them. If early bedtimes suit your lifestyle, fantastic! If you’re navigating the night owl life like me, give yourself a high five. Theories are just that — theories. Even research can be contradictory. A study could emerge next week stating that late bedtimes produce brilliant kids.
When it comes to sleep (and parenting in general), I believe in doing what suits you and your children best. Anything else is just extra noise, often adding unnecessary stress to your life.
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In summary, every family has its own rhythm. It’s essential to embrace what works for you without getting bogged down by what others say is best.