Yesterday, I sent my mother a snapshot of my youngest daughter, who is two years old, sporting her blonde locks and sparkling blue-green eyes. From what I’ve gathered, she closely resembles my mom at that age. I mentioned this in my text, and to my delight, Mom replied with an “LOL. Yes, she absolutely does!” She’s in her early sixties and only upgraded to a smartphone a couple of years ago, and honestly, it has done wonders for our bond.
It’s not that we have a hostile relationship; rather, it’s complex. When I was twelve, three years after my dad left and seven years before he passed away, I secretly moved out while Mom was working her second job. Things were incredibly tumultuous back then, and I felt overwhelmed. I bounced around for a bit, tried living with my dad, which didn’t pan out, and eventually ended up with my paternal grandmother—who I adored but my mom couldn’t stand.
There’s a lot more to the story, of course, but this backstory is key to understanding why our relationship has always been strained. Now, at 33, with three children of my own, I want my mom to be a part of their lives. However, our conversations often feel heavy with the bitterness of our past. I want her to be involved, to visit, but the weight of our history complicates things. Unfortunately, my kids are the ones missing out.
Currently, my mom lives in Utah while I’m in Oregon. She comes to visit occasionally, and I try to visit her too, but it’s fair to say she has seen my kids somewhere between seven and ten times since we left Utah seven years ago. I know she wants to be more present in their lives, but the distance and our past make it challenging. So instead of diving into difficult conversations over the phone, I send her pictures once or twice a week of my kids enjoying moments like playing in the yard or indulging in ice cream—those joyful snapshots that all grandmothers cherish. Sometimes I even share videos of them being silly or playing sports. Our text exchanges are usually brief; she often asks me to tell the kids she loves them or sends pictures from her home to share.
To friends who maintain close relationships with their parents, this may seem odd, but honestly, this is the best relationship I’ve ever had with my mother. It feels like the past tensions get filtered out in this format. We skip the awkward silences that often come with trying to avoid discussing uncomfortable topics. Instead, we just share images and emojis, making it feel like the past doesn’t weigh us down anymore. Best of all, my kids are oblivious to any tension; they haven’t remarked on the awkwardness that sometimes arises during our video calls or visits. My wife, however, has noticed, and we both understand that this may not last forever. Our children are all still under ten.
Perhaps this is a common scenario for children of divorced parents. Maybe countless families maintain similar relationships through texts and photos. Or maybe it’s just my experience.
Recently, my mom joined Facebook, and while she’s a bit behind the times, it seems to inject some youthful energy into her. It has definitely opened up another channel for us to connect. She comments on my pictures, and I comment on hers. We don’t engage in lengthy chats, but her “likes” feel more genuine than those from anyone else on my social media. I share photos of my kids with her, and she responds, which encourages my children to ask about Grandma whenever I’m on Facebook.
None of this is perfect, and I doubt either of us would choose this as our ideal way to connect. However, after years of trying, this has become a positive alternative. Reflecting on it motivates me to nurture my relationships with my own children. I remain hopeful that perhaps, just maybe, using text and social media to reconnect with my mother will pave the way for a renewed relationship—a one where I can seek her advice and chat casually without the burden of past grievances.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while grandparenting through text and social media may not be conventional, it has transformed our relationship into something more manageable and enjoyable. If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination, check out this blog post for more insights. For reliable information on the topic, visit Make a Mom’s resource on the Cryobaby at-home insemination kit or explore the excellent fertility services provided by Johns Hopkins Medicine.
Summary
Grandparenting in the digital age can be uniquely beneficial, as demonstrated by one man’s experience connecting with his mother via text messages and social media. This method has allowed him to share joyful moments of his children while sidestepping the bitterness of their past. As they navigate their relationship through pictures and comments, he remains hopeful for a future filled with warmth and connection.