I consider myself fortunate. My privilege is evident in my background as a white, educated, middle-class individual. This realization hits me as I reflect on the inadequate paid family leave policies in our country.
I am fortunate because my employer is required to offer me at least the basic unpaid Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) benefits. I am grateful they provide me with three weeks of paid leave. I am also thankful for the option to take additional unpaid leave after my FMLA period expired because of special circumstances. While my job wasn’t guaranteed during this time, I was lucky to work with colleagues who genuinely care about me.
I had meticulously planned everything. I did what privileged people do: I saved money and timed my pregnancy with my son so that there would be a gap of a few months before we needed daycare, which was meant to cover the unpaid maternity leave. I intended to be away from work for the typical 12 weeks, coinciding with our least busy season.
Then, unexpectedly, my son, Max, arrived two months early after I had already spent two weeks in the hospital. I ended my maternity leave just a month after he was finally discharged. I consider myself lucky because I had the flexibility to extend my unpaid leave and didn’t have to return to work while he was still in the hospital. Unfortunately, many mothers must balance returning to work while caring for a baby in the NICU, and if they’re fortunate, they can manage some maternity leave once their baby is home.
So, what’s the issue?
Despite my fortunate circumstances, I noticed on my year-end pay stub that I earned 20% less last year than the previous year. Like many women, I returned from maternity leave without any sick or vacation time left. Sure, I’m lucky to have those benefits available in the first place. I placed my tiny baby in daycare and headed back to work, all while navigating the emotional impacts and health challenges of his premature birth.
You can probably guess what came next. I had my own medical appointments, and Max had his. Then he got sick, and soon after, so did the rest of us. No matter how responsible I tried to be, I couldn’t keep up with the sick time drain.
Last week, Max was diagnosed with respiratory syncytial virus, followed by bronchiolitis. I spent a sleepless night at the hospital, holding him as he struggled to breathe, watching as his ribs sunk in and his nostrils flared. I had only six hours of sick leave left, and now I have none. I received payment for just 28 hours last week. But I’m still lucky.
I’m fortunate to have a job that accommodates this situation. I’m grateful I still have a job at all.
I recognize it could be much worse. Many parents are forced to choose between maintaining their employment and staying by their ill child’s side in the hospital. Others find themselves back at work just days after their brief “maternity leave” because they need to support their families. Some children are missing out on essential healthcare because their parents can’t afford to take time off without risking their jobs.
Being able to care for our children (or partners or parents) shouldn’t be viewed as a privilege; it should be a standard expectation. Some will argue that we shouldn’t have had children unless we were ready to face the consequences, that parenting is a choice. I reject that line of thinking.
There’s so much more to this issue than I can cover in one piece. The rising costs of healthcare, daycare, and inadequate parental leave are intertwined, contributing to a society that fails the very children who will one day contribute to our economy. The notion that 12 weeks of unpaid leave is sufficient to bond with a newborn—especially one born prematurely—is misguided. We are investing our tax dollars and emotional resources into a system that ultimately fails our children.
In short:
- My baby arrived early.
- I earned 20% less last year.
- I spent last week caring for my son while he struggled to breathe.
- I’m fortunate to have my job.
- It’s time for us to redefine what it means to be “lucky.”
This article was originally published on June 12, 2016.
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