When I envisioned having two daughters, I pictured them in frilly dresses, playing with dolls, and hosting tea parties. But life had other plans.
From the moment she realized she had a choice, my daughter Sam chose blue. She gravitated towards Buzz Lightyear shirts, loved her Matchbox cars, and was captivated by Monsters, Inc. While I dreamed of a little princess adorned in pink and glitter, Sam’s identity blossomed in a way that surprised me. And I wouldn’t change a thing about her.
As time passed, Sam received a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and consistently identified herself as a boy. After numerous age-appropriate discussions about anatomy, it became clear this wasn’t just a fleeting phase; she was simply expressing her true self.
I quickly learned to avoid gendered language. “You’re such a good girl,” I would say, only to be corrected: “No, I’m a boy.” Or when I offered her a pink shirt, she firmly stated, “I can’t wear a girls’ shirt!” We never labeled her toys or clothes by gender. Instead, she absorbed the messages from school, television, and society: boys wear T-shirts and sneakers, have short hair, and play with trucks and dinosaurs. In her black-and-white understanding of the world, Sam identified as a boy, while we saw her as a tomboy.
According to WebMD, children with gender dysphoria often exhibit certain traits, such as persistently asserting their gender identity despite physical traits suggesting otherwise, favoring friends of their identified gender, and rejecting gender-specific clothing and activities.
When I had to explain the concept of anatomy to my 5-year-old, I was uneasy. The word ‘penis’ felt so foreign on my tongue, especially when she innocently referred to male anatomy as “hot dogs.” Yet, it was in those moments that I began to grasp the depth of her feelings. Sam understood her identity and pleaded with tears, “No, Mom! I don’t want to have a bagina! You can’t make me be a girl!” Regardless, we embraced our beautiful Sam with all her quirks and desires.
While her ASD and gender dysphoria diagnoses were not unexpected, they presented daunting challenges as I contemplated her future. Would society accept her? Would she find friends? Would she be content in her own skin?
Explaining Sam’s identity to friends and family was met with overwhelming support. They called her by her chosen name and respected her identity without question. But then, a new bathroom policy from Target sparked a wave of backlash.
Comments like “Transgender people are disgusting” and “They’re just looking for attention” flooded my social media feed. Each hateful remark felt like a personal attack on my sweet Sam. I found myself in tears, grappling with the reality of raising children in a world rife with ignorance.
I understood the fears behind these comments, especially as a parent myself. We live in a world with genuine dangers, but to equate being transgender with predatory behavior is both unjust and unfounded.
The bathroom issue became a real dilemma for Sam. On multiple occasions, we stood outside the men’s restroom while she anxiously begged to go in. Her desperation broke my heart as she insisted, “I’ll wait until everyone leaves and go in really fast!” Sam clearly understood the societal norms surrounding restrooms, yet her conviction about her identity remained unwavering.
When asked about the hardest part of parenting a child on the spectrum, I answered without hesitation: “Other people.” This sentiment rings true for parenting a child with gender dysphoria, too.
To my dear Sam, I promise to never force you to be someone you’re not. I will always celebrate you for who you are. As long as I breathe, I will advocate for a world that embraces you. We will strive for understanding and kindness, and we will revel in your uniqueness every single day.
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Summary:
Raising a child with gender dysphoria presents unique challenges, particularly concerning societal perceptions and acceptance. Through love and understanding, one parent shares their journey with their daughter, Sam, who identifies as a boy. The article highlights the importance of respecting children’s identities and navigating the complexities of societal prejudices, while emphasizing the unconditional support that parents can provide.