Hey there! Can you believe it’s been a decade since my first encounter with mental illness? Yep, it’s my “crazy-iversary”! (Okay, maybe that’s not a real term, but let’s make it one!) Ten years ago, I faced my first major depressive episode related to bipolar disorder, and it’s been a wild ride ever since. Along the way, I’ve racked up a few other diagnoses, ensuring that life is never dull.
One striking aspect of living with mental illness is its inherent contradictions. It often tells us one thing while compelling us to act in a completely different way. We find ourselves desiring one thing and simultaneously doing the opposite, sometimes even wanting two conflicting things at once. If this sounds familiar, here are five examples of the perplexities of living with mental illness:
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I’m utterly bored, but I lack the energy to do anything about it.
Oh my goodness, I have never felt so restless! Every fiber of my being craves excitement or distraction. Staring at the wall one more minute might just push me over the edge. Yet, getting out of bed feels impossible, and nothing seems remotely interesting enough to engage with. Guess I’ll take another nap… for the third time today. -
My disorganized space stresses me out, but my anxiety stops me from cleaning.
Chaos surrounds me: dirty dishes piling up, mail cluttering the table, laundry spilling out of the closet. The sight of this mess triggers anxiety that could lead to a panic attack. I know I should take action, but anxiety takes the wheel, and instead, I find myself wrapping in a blanket and hyperventilating. -
I crave intimacy, yet I push you away.
For those of us with borderline personality traits, this is all too real. I long for close, meaningful relationships filled with love and trust. But just when things start to deepen, an urge to run kicks in. I want connection but fear being truly known, resulting in a push-pull dynamic that complicates my relationships. -
I want to be productive, but I can’t manage to leave bed.
When my alarm goes off, a little voice in my head reminds me of all I need to accomplish today. But then depression chimes in, “Nah, how about we stay in bed instead?” It doesn’t care about my responsibilities or deadlines; it just suggests a long session of doing absolutely nothing. -
I want to improve my mood, yet I engage in behaviors that make it worse.
As an extrovert, I know getting out can lift my spirits, but when depression hits, all motivation vanishes, and I end up isolating myself, feeling worse. Even though I know that uplifting music or time with friends could help, I often choose the opposite, immersing myself in sad tunes or canceling plans, leading to a downward spiral.
These contradictions may seem irrational from the outside, but they make sense to me. Living with mental illness is a constant battle against forces that drain our energy and willpower. If today you could only manage to stay in bed and snack, you’re not alone. If you find yourself overwhelmed by a messy space or struggling with your feelings, I’m right there with you. Surviving despite the weight of mental illness is an incredible achievement, and I’m proud of you for still being here.
For more insights, check out one of our other posts about navigating these challenges here. And if you’re interested in resources for home insemination, visit this link for authority on the topic or explore Mount Sinai’s excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Living with mental illness is filled with contradictions, such as feeling bored yet unable to act, experiencing anxiety over a messy space while being too anxious to clean, craving closeness but pushing others away, wanting to be productive but staying in bed, and attempting to feel better through actions that ultimately worsen our mood. Recognizing these paradoxes can help us understand our behavior and foster compassion for ourselves.