So, your child has chosen to share something personal with you—that they identify as something beyond heterosexual or cisgender. Whether you have suspected your son might be gay, or your daughter has hinted at wanting to be your son, this moment can be both significant and emotional for everyone involved. As you sit together, you may feel a mix of fear, excitement, and concern. I’ve been through this journey, and hopefully, my advice will help parents understand how to create a loving and validating environment for their kids during this crucial time.
First, let’s clarify what LGBTQ+ means. This acronym includes lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, and asexual individuals. It also encompasses various gender identities such as agender, bigender, and genderfluid.
It’s worth noting that over 20% of homeless youth identify as LGBTQ+, often due to rejection or abuse from their families. If my insights can help mend just one strained connection between an LGBTQ+ youth and their parents, then I feel accomplished. I was hesitant to write this piece, given that I just celebrated my 17th birthday.
1. Stay Calm
This may seem obvious, but it’s crucial. Your child has likely spent a lot of time figuring out how to share this part of themselves. They want you to understand who they truly are, and it’s vital that you respond with love and acceptance. Taking time to process this news is fine, but it should be done in a way that doesn’t add to your child’s anxiety. It’s unacceptable to belittle or criticize your child for their identity.
2. Give Them Space
Your child will share what they feel comfortable revealing. My parents learned of my sexuality accidentally, and even though they are incredibly supportive, I still felt nervous about how they would react. After the initial conversation, they respected my boundaries and allowed me to express myself at my own pace. Remember, your child is still the same person they were before this revelation; their essence hasn’t changed.
3. No Pressure
Avoid trying to force your child to label themselves or divulge more than they are ready to share. You may believe you are helping them by making assumptions, but this can lead to misunderstandings. Each person’s journey in understanding and embracing their identity is unique.
4. Support Their Self-Expression
Encourage your child to explore their identity through fashion, hairstyle, and makeup. If your daughter wants to rock a short haircut and wear a suit, or if your son wants to experiment with colors and styles, let them! These choices are vital for their self-expression, and your support means the world. Remember, clothes are merely fabric; what matters is how your child feels in them.
5. No Teasing or Jokes
It can be incredibly hurtful for an LGBTQ+ child to hear jokes or teasing, especially from parents. Even if you think you’re being funny, it can send a message that you don’t fully accept them. If you notice friends or family making insensitive comments, kindly let them know that such behavior is unacceptable.
6. Use the Correct Pronouns!
Understanding the difference between sex, gender, and sexual orientation is key. If your child identifies with a different gender than what they were assigned at birth, it’s essential to use their preferred pronouns. Misgendering can be deeply hurtful, and using the correct pronouns shows respect and acceptance.
Navigating this journey can be challenging for both you and your child, especially in conservative communities. However, by following these guidelines and approaching the situation with love and an open heart, you can foster a nurturing environment that not only supports your child but also helps create a more accepting world.
For more helpful information, check out our other blog posts, including a comprehensive guide on privacy policies. Also, if you’re exploring home insemination options, Cryobaby provides an excellent resource on artificial insemination kits. For those interested in the pregnancy process, this resource offers valuable insights into IVF.
Summary
When your child comes out, it’s essential to respond with love and acceptance. Avoid panic, respect their boundaries, allow them to express themselves, and always use their correct pronouns. Supporting your child through this journey can help create a more accepting environment both at home and in the wider world.