Updated: June 5, 2016
Back in 10th grade, I had a chemistry teacher I’ll refer to as Mr. Johnson. Mr. Johnson was a traditionalist who made it clear he believed girls struggled with chemistry. Unfortunately, I found myself grappling not just with the material but also with Mr. Johnson’s dismissive attitude. He ridiculed my questions, graded me harshly, and often told us girls that we were wasting our time. I barely scraped by with a B-minus, and to this day, just the thought of the Periodic Table gives me chills.
Fast forward 30 years, and I’m now the proud mother of two bright, well-adjusted kids. Our school district is known for its caring educators and strong administrative staff, which attracts families looking for quality education. My children have benefitted from exceptional teachers, many of whom have become close family friends. However, there was one year when a teacher openly disliked my son.
My son is an intelligent, curious boy who usually excels in school. Math comes easily to him, and he consistently reads above his grade level. He’s a diligent student; however, that changed a few years ago when he hit a rough patch. Whether it was the challenges of adolescence or tougher coursework, he struggled during the first few weeks. Forgotten assignments, declining test scores, and poor study habits became all too common. After numerous discussions, he finally admitted he didn’t understand the material in one class.
While I don’t believe in fighting my children’s battles, I do feel it’s essential to advocate for them when they’re struggling academically. So, I scheduled a meeting with the teacher. I was shocked by what she had to say. She expressed doubts about my son’s intelligence, claimed he should be achieving better grades based on his capabilities, and bluntly stated that she didn’t like him. Yes, she looked me in the eye and said she didn’t like my child at all.
Most would expect me to defend him fiercely, and while my instinct was to list all the reasons she was mistaken, I chose to remain composed. I felt tears of anger welling up, and I had to restrain myself from reacting impulsively. Instead, I accepted her harsh comments and exited the meeting with whatever dignity I could muster. It was clear my son had found his own version of Mr. Johnson. This teacher had perhaps grown cynical after years in the profession and was unlikely to change her viewpoint. It became my responsibility to help my son navigate this challenging situation.
When I got home, I had an open conversation with my son. I gently shared what she had expressed and how she felt about him. He already sensed he wasn’t her favorite, but he was okay with it. He told me he was determined to put in the effort—not to prove her wrong, but to prove to himself that he could conquer the material. At the end of our discussion, he flashed a grin and said, “It’ll eat her alive if I get an A.” That gave me hope.
Throughout the year, he dedicated himself to his studies, sought help with difficult concepts, and worked hard to understand the material. I was overjoyed when he came home with an A on his final report card. When I asked if she had made any comments, he told me she had made a disparaging remark about him never being advanced in the subject. He simply replied, “Maybe not advanced but definitely improved. Improvement is just as important.” I was so proud of him that day.
I understand that teachers are human, and it’s unrealistic to expect them to connect with every student. Most educators manage their personal feelings professionally, but it was challenging for me to watch my child feel undervalued. I’m grateful I trusted my son to rise above the situation. He still speaks about how empowering that year was for him, realizing what he could achieve when he focused on a goal. Kids often surprise us when we let them.
As for my chemistry skills? I still struggle with experiments, and the only chemical symbol I know is for gold. But you know what? I aced college chemistry, and it felt great!
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In summary, dealing with a teacher who seems to dislike your child can be a tough experience, but it can also serve as an opportunity for growth and resilience. Remember to advocate for your child while also giving them the chance to rise to the occasion.