I have a secret to share, and it’s not easy to admit…
“Mom! Jake is outside! Can I please go play with him?” my 7-year-old, Max, exclaimed as he flung open the door, letting a swarm of bugs waltz into my living room.
“Sure, Max. But remember to stay in the yard,” I replied.
“Why do I always have to stay in the yard?” he shot back, already sprinting off before I could respond.
I have a truth to confess, and the longer I keep it to myself, the more I feel like I’m losing my grip on reality…
“Do you want me to grab dinner on my way back?” I texted my husband.
“Sounds good,” he replied.
And here’s my truth: there’s a kid next door, Jake, who is 5 years old. He’s polite, sweet, and generally a joy to be around. If there were a competition for the best-behaved child, he’d win hands down.
While my son shares many admirable traits with his little friend, he also exhibits what some call oppositional defiant disorder. In simpler terms, he seems to say “no” to just about everything… and I do mean everything. (Ding Dong) Who could that be? Please let them leave…
Not just the typical stuff like brushing his teeth or taking a bath, but even things he actually enjoys, like ice cream or going to the movies. When he objects, it’s not subtle. I’m talking about the full-on, flailing-on-the-floor-at-Target kind of objection that makes you feel like the worst parent in the world.
“Mom! Jake wants to ride bikes, but I don’t want to!”
Why is this happening to me?
“Max, you don’t have to ride bikes if you don’t want to. You can use your scooter instead.”
“I hate my scooter!” he screamed, sounding like a howler monkey.
But I know he loves it.
“Dinner’s ready! I brought home Chinese food,” my husband announced as he entered.
“No! I hate Chinese food!” Max shouted, kicking the curb.
I knew he didn’t truly hate it.
“I’m not eating that!” he declared, leaving me to wonder how many times he’d kick that curb before it drew blood or tears.
I find myself feeling frustrated, and yes, even jealous of Jake. Not because he’s a bad kid, but because he’s so good. His mother rarely has to ask him more than once to brush his teeth or clean up his toys. While Jake is off to kindergarten and will be the child sitting attentively in the front row, my son will likely be the one sitting apart due to “behavioral issues.”
What stings the most is how Jake’s presence magnifies every one of my child’s flaws.
“Mommy!”
Please let it be just tears this time…
“Mommy! It hurts! I need a Band-Aid!”
Oh my goodness.
“Okay, I’ll get you one…”
“I’ll get it!” Jake interrupted, racing to his house and returning with a whole box of Band-Aids, scattering them all over the lawn.
This whole experience shines a glaring light on my shortcomings as a mother. I wish my son wasn’t seen as the difficult one, you know?
“Do you want to smash Matchbox cars?” Jake asked.
“Sure! That sounds fun!” Max replied.
“Awesome! You’re my best friend!” Jake exclaimed.
“You’re mine too,” Max said, grinning.
“Am I?” Jake asked, surprised.
“Yeah, of course!” Max said, looking genuinely happy.
Suddenly, Chinese food from the carton has never tasted so good.
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Summary:
This article explores the challenges of parenting a difficult child, sharing personal experiences and struggles with oppositional defiant disorder. It highlights the feelings of frustration and jealousy that can arise when comparing one’s child to others who seem to navigate childhood with ease. Despite the struggles, moments of joy and connection still shine through.