As Sarah and I strolled across the university campus, both of us 33 and about to turn 34, we felt a bit out of place. While we didn’t look particularly old, the contrast with the vibrant 18- to 22-year-olds around us—decked out in their trendy summer attire—made us feel ancient. Or maybe it was just our slower pace, as we savored the moment while they rushed to who knows where.
This is Sarah’s final semester at college. She’s been navigating her undergraduate journey for nearly five years now at the same university where I work. Most of her classes have been online, but now she’s wrapping up with on-campus courses.
We found a lovely lady from our church to watch our kids, allowing Sarah to attend her classes. Twice a week, we meet in the quad for lunch, or sometimes Sarah pops into my office for a quick kiss. On this particular day, we happened to be walking across campus together, hand in hand.
With Sarah in class and me juggling a full-time job and my writing, our time together has been limited. When we are together, the kids are usually around, wanting something or causing chaos. Finding time alone can be a challenge, but lately, Sarah’s classes have given us little pockets of solitude—sometimes just an hour or even a brief 15 minutes—to enjoy each other’s company.
When I envisioned marriage, I never imagined it would be like this. My parents’ relationship wasn’t the best; they divorced when I was young, so I didn’t have a clear picture of what a good marriage looked like. Yet here we were, two people in our thirties, 11 years into our marriage, relishing simple moments together on a college campus.
This is the reality of marriage with young kids: two individuals deeply in love, striving to support each other through education, careers, and parenting. It can be chaotic, filled with sleepless nights and endless Googling to solve everyday problems. But sometimes, it’s just about enjoying a peaceful stroll together, chatting like students who know each other well, and finding joy in those fleeting moments of calm.
We discuss our children, my work, and her classes as we walk. I offer her advice on navigating university life, and she reminds me to fix my shirt collar. College students pass by, likely preoccupied with their own lives—classes, parties, and the next big event—but we sometimes wonder if they see us as a relic from another time. Some of my younger colleagues like to tell me to “update myself,” especially when I confess my confusion about Snapchat or the latest tech gadgets. In those moments, I wish I could share the joy of that day’s walk with Sarah—the tranquility of just being alone together for 15 minutes without interruptions. But I know they wouldn’t understand, just as I wouldn’t have at their age.
And maybe that’s why we seem out of place on campus. We’ve learned to value the simple moments of togetherness over the allure of youth and trends. It’s a shift in priorities that can make marriage feel constricting at times, but it also brings clarity about what truly matters.
As we reached our minivan parked next to a flashy pickup and a sporty car, I kissed Sarah and said, “Thanks for the walk. It was easily the best part of my day.” I meant it, even if I joked about it being a comment on returning to work.
“Anytime. I love you,” she replied, and we shared another kiss—perhaps a bit longer than appropriate since the kids weren’t there to say “Eww.” As we pulled apart, I noticed two young women looking at us, probably thinking we were just a couple of old folks making out in a parking lot. I gave them a sheepish smile, silently conveying, “Someday, you’ll get it.”
For more insights on the journey of parenthood and relationships, check out this blog post, which highlights the importance of connection. Also, if you’re interested in fertility matters, Make a Mom is a fantastic resource to explore. And if pregnancy is on your mind, the World Health Organization provides excellent information on the topic.
In summary, finding joy in the simple moments with your partner amidst the chaos of life and parenthood is invaluable. Whether it’s a brief walk or a shared joke, these experiences become the foundation of your relationship.