As the holidays approach, my children are returning home, eager for cozy beds, homemade meals, and cherished moments with our loyal dog, Max. Lately, I’ve been contemplating a little escape from our routine, perhaps a trip somewhere far away—like France or even Wyoming.
I adore my two kids more than anything, but during their time away, I’ve undergone my own transformation. While they’re busy becoming more independent and navigating new friendships, I’ve been quietly rediscovering parts of myself that had been tucked away for years. They see me as their constant, dependable mom, but what if I’ve found joy in embracing a lighter load? Does that make me a less devoted mother?
The atmosphere in my home feels different now. I’m purchasing smaller containers of laundry detergent, running the dishwasher a couple of times a week, and even enjoying leisurely breakfasts—sometimes a single cookie with a cup of tea. My closets have undergone a makeover as well; long-forgotten items like old school projects and study materials have finally been sorted. I tossed out everything from outdated PTA cards to mismatched socks that waited years for their partners to reappear. The old me would have repurposed them as dusters, but not this time. Instead, I chose to let go.
The kitchen drawer that once overflowed with miscellaneous items? It no longer exists. Now, I’m questioning how many dishes two people truly need and what else can be released from my life. The exercise machine that had been a dust collector is now with a family of three boys, freeing up space for my own passions. My camera, which had become merely a tool for documenting life, is back in action, reminding me of the joy it once brought.
As for schedules, I’m blissfully unaware of homework deadlines or supply needs. Gone are the frantic late-night runs for poster boards or glue sticks. My to-do list has shrunk from an overwhelming spiral notebook to a few sticky notes. I still receive emails about volunteer opportunities from my kids’ former schools, but I’m not quite ready to sever that bond just yet. The reality that they no longer live here full-time is still sinking in.
Last night, while my partner and I watched a film about a French chef, it hit me—I’ve completely forgotten about visiting France, Canada, Wyoming, and frankly, a whole lot of other places. The kids are coming back soon, and while I’ve missed their laughter and the way they call out my name, I’ve also realized that I’ve missed my own sense of self. It took their absence for me to declutter not just my space but my mind, making room for new experiences.
I recently dusted off that spiral notebook and started jotting down family-sized to-do lists again. But what if, when they return, I’m not just the same loving mom they remember? What if I’ve evolved in ways they didn’t expect? I know they’ll have changed, too. The question remains—will we slip back into our old dynamics, or will we find a new rhythm together? Only time will tell.
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In summary, my experience during my kids’ absence has been about rediscovering who I am beneath the title of “mom.” Embracing change can be daunting, but it can also lead to a richer, more balanced life. I’m looking forward to seeing how my new self fits into our family dynamic when they return, and I can only hope they’ll embrace the changes in me just as I embrace the changes in them.
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