We’ve all faced those challenging moments. Just as you’re rushing to complete errands, your child erupts in tears over what seems like a trivial matter—perhaps the wrong song is playing or, in my case, the last unbroken cracker is gone from their snack cup.
Like many parents, my instinct was to tell my kids to toughen up or to remind them of the bigger issues in life, often followed by cranking up the radio. However, child psychotherapist Dr. Sarah Thompson suggests that the secret to minimizing these tantrums lies not in dismissing their feelings but in embracing them, regardless of how small the trigger may seem.
Recently, when Laura Greene picked up her son from school, he was on the brink of a meltdown over a delayed school fundraiser prize. Instead of resorting to her typical approach of rationalizing the situation, Laura decided to validate his feelings, acknowledging that the delay was indeed disappointing. To her surprise, his tears subsided quickly, and he moved on, even asking for a piece of gum.
After a few days of empathizing with her kids during their meltdowns, Laura noticed a significant shift. When she acknowledged their frustrations, they recovered much faster than when she attempted to reason with them. Intrigued by this newfound strategy, she consulted Dr. Sarah Thompson, author of The Happy Kid Handbook: How to Raise Joyful Children in a Stressful World, who confirmed that validating a child’s emotions can prevent a tantrum before it escalates. “Kids often feel unheard and misunderstood,” Dr. Thompson explained. “When we acknowledge their feelings—saying something like ‘That’s really tough’—they often respond with relief, feeling recognized.”
It’s not about fixing the situation or changing what upset them; it’s about letting them know their feelings are valid. As silly as it may seem to console my child over a missing stuffed animal when he has an entire basket full, I realize that being heard can be incredibly comforting, even if the situation doesn’t change.
There are countless instances when I find myself chatting with a friend about the chaos of our daily lives, from messy homes to the little things our kids do that drive us nuts. Agreeing with each other about these frustrations doesn’t solve the problems, but it certainly helps us feel understood. If simply feeling validated can keep me from having a meltdown, perhaps it can work wonders for our kids too. Yelling, begging, and ignoring haven’t been effective strategies thus far, but showing empathy may just be the answer to reducing those pesky outbursts.
For more insights on navigating your family journey, check out this informative post. And if you’re looking to learn more about how to approach parenting with compassion, Make A Mom offers excellent resources. You can also explore March of Dimes for valuable pregnancy information.
In Summary
Understanding and validating a child’s feelings during tantrums can lead to quicker resolutions and less frequent outbursts. Rather than dismissing their concerns, acknowledging their feelings fosters a sense of being heard, which can significantly reduce emotional distress.