When my partner, Sarah, and I welcomed our first two children, we opted for bottle-feeding. Sarah had hoped to breastfeed, but due to her demanding job with terrible hours and no space to pump, it just wasn’t feasible. With our second child, a surgery shortly after birth affected her milk supply. Both times, she expressed feelings of inadequacy, which I struggled to understand.
However, everything changed when Sarah breastfed our third child, Emily. I quickly realized that breastfeeding is far more complex than I had ever imagined. I had naively assumed it would be straightforward; after all, women have been doing it since the beginning of time. I was mistaken. There are numerous physical, emotional, social, and practical factors involved in breastfeeding that I never considered. Here are some key takeaways from my experience.
1. Leaking Happens.
I always thought breasts were reliable, having served their purpose for ages. I was taken aback to discover that Sarah would leak when the baby cried or when it had been a while since the last feeding. Initially, I viewed this as a flaw, but then I realized it was a sign of her body being in sync with our child’s needs. While I experienced frustration during crying spells, Sarah’s body responded both physically and emotionally, which I found remarkable.
2. Breasts Aren’t Just for Me.
As Emily began to crawl, Sarah and I playfully debated who she loved more. We placed her in the living room and called to her from the kitchen. When she crawled toward me, Sarah removed her shirt. Suddenly, Emily changed direction and headed straight for Sarah with her mouth open. It dawned on me that those breasts weren’t there for my amusement; they were meant for nurturing. This was a valuable lesson for me, as it shifted my perception of breasts from merely sexual to essential for life.
3. Breastfeeding Made Me Feel Unwanted.
For the first three months of Emily’s life, I felt utterly useless. If I even glanced at her too long, she would cry. I believe this was because I couldn’t feed her. It felt like baby discrimination against dads.
4. Nipples Are Complicated.
I had no idea that there were so many issues surrounding nipples—chapped ones, creams, pads, and more. While my own nipples serve no real purpose other than cosmetic symmetry, I was astounded to learn how complicated the breastfeeding journey can be.
5. Size Matters.
It should have been obvious, but I didn’t realize that breasts would change size when full of milk. I admit I found Sarah’s larger breasts attractive, yet I hesitated to touch them for fear of being squirted. This created a strange mix of desire and anxiety.
6. Breast Envy is Real.
The first time I was alone with all three kids, Emily woke up and tried to latch onto my arm. In that moment, I wished I had my own set of breasts—talk about feeling inadequate.
7. Snuggle Envy is Real Too.
I love snuggling with babies, and I had plenty of cuddle time with our first two since I could use a bottle. But with Emily, she preferred Sarah, leaving me feeling left out as I watched their bonding during feedings.
8. Breastfeeding Talk is Common.
Sarah often chatted with friends about breastfeeding strategies, products, and experiences. Initially, I found it odd, but after witnessing the challenges she faced, I came to appreciate the complexity of breastfeeding and the dedication it requires.
9. Public Breastfeeding Can Be Controversial.
On our first outing where Sarah breastfed Emily while covered, I noticed people staring at her as if she were doing something inappropriate. I couldn’t help but feel anger toward those who didn’t recognize the effort and dedication that went into breastfeeding.
Parenting truly opens your eyes in unexpected ways. After nearly a decade of marriage, watching Sarah breastfeed was a transformative experience for me. I gained a profound respect for her—and all mothers—who navigate the complexities of breastfeeding.
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In summary, my experience with breastfeeding opened my eyes to the numerous challenges and emotional connections involved. It transformed my understanding and appreciation for the hard work mothers put into nurturing their children.