If I had to express my affection for raw cookie dough, it would be akin to the classic tune, “Can’t Fight This Feeling.” Just listen closely and you’ll see it’s a love song, much like my adoration for that gooey goodness, despite the warnings of potential illness swirling around it. Sure, consuming raw eggs can pose risks of salmonella or E. coli, but so can eating at well-known restaurants or munching on a salad from a farm where sick chickens might have roamed.
I’m exhausted by all this talk of “danger.” Seriously, 21st century, you’ve stripped away so many joys from my childhood for our kids—like riding in the back of the car without seatbelts, playing outside barefoot until dusk, and even Pluto’s demotion from planet status. But you can’t take my raw cookie dough!
At this rate, our children will be living in plastic bubbles, bumping into buildings like hamsters in exercise balls. Let’s be honest; there are far more hazardous activities than simply licking the dough off the beaters, such as:
- Racing down stairs in socks—might as well be using mini surfboards for an ER visit.
- Using safety scissors—yes, they can still cause cuts.
- Opening a can of Pillsbury dough—just the tension can put your heart at risk.
- Clowns—ever heard of the story “It”?
- The political candidates of 2024—if you need details, you’ve been living under a rock.
- Getting into the bathtub—slipping on the slick edges could lead to disaster.
- Getting out of the bathtub—same slick edges, different potential for injury.
- Stepping on tiny plastic animals—painful enough to make you wish for mercy.
- Roasting marshmallows by a campfire—fire + darkness + sharp sticks = trouble.
- Roller skating—essentially shoes on wheels, what could go wrong?
- Not allowing hot cocoa to cool—your tongue will thank you for waiting.
- Handling your pet’s food without washing hands—gross, right?
- Touching your pet—adorable but could lead to allergies.
- Jumping on beds—fun until an adult joins in and causes chaos.
- Running with a lollipop at the playground—let’s see how “safe” that soft ground is when you trip.
- Riding bikes in sandals or barefoot—pavement is nature’s sandpaper.
- Bunk beds—one high bed, three little ones, no concept of gravity.
- Giant trampolines—perfect for knocking teeth out with your own knees.
- Walking around with blankets on their heads—what could possibly go wrong?
- Drinking water from a kiddie pool filled with hose water on a hot day—yikes!
Do you realize how many people enjoy cookie dough without any issues? I’d bet good money that opening a tube of Pillsbury dough leads to more injuries than raw cookie dough ever could. So listen here, cookie dough: I disregard what the “experts” say. To me and my kids, you’re much more than just a possible source of salmonella. In two decades, my kids will stand out; they’ll be the ones licking batter and rolling around in hamster balls on the boulevard. We’re going to keep loving you, cookie dough—it’s the only thing we truly want to enjoy (and maybe bounce on a trampoline inside a giant hamster ball).
This article was originally published on May 28, 2016.
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Summary
This lighthearted article humorously compares the perceived dangers of eating raw cookie dough with various other everyday risks, emphasizing that cookie dough is far less hazardous than many common activities. The author expresses a nostalgic love for cookie dough while playfully critiquing modern-day fears and encourages readers to embrace the joy of simple pleasures.