Updated: May 28, 2023
Originally Published: May 28, 2023
In fourth grade, my husband was quite the trendsetter. He drew inspiration from a popular TV show, flaunting pink shirts paired with crisp white jackets, stylish sweaters, and well-fitted jeans. Every morning, he would perfect his spiky hairstyle and practice his confident walk. He enjoyed spending time with girls, sang in a boys’ choir, and was undeniably full of himself. He embraced his unique style and felt great about being a ten-year-old.
However, some boys in his class, who saw him as overly self-assured and flamboyant, felt the need to bring him down a peg. They would bully him on the playground, shouting and occasionally shoving him around. But my husband remained unfazed. When confronted with insults like, “Nice shirt,” he would reply, “Thanks, I like it too,” and stroll back to his girl friends. His confidence in his fashion choices was unshakeable.
Fast forward 30 years, and we now have a 9-year-old son who, like his father, has a fondness for pink and enjoys spending time with girls. Unfortunately, he is much more sensitive than my husband ever was.
One of the first instances of bullying my son faced came from a parent. At around 3 or 4 years old, he donned a Tinker Bell costume at his babysitter’s house and happily played with two little girls. When their mother arrived, she loudly questioned, “Why is that boy in a dress?” The babysitter quickly defended him, saying, “He’s having a great time.” But the mother continued to criticize, pulling her daughters away as if they might be influenced by him, and asked, “What will his parents do about this?” The babysitter responded with, “Embrace it, I’m sure.”
Until that moment, our son had no idea that wearing a dress could be seen as odd. After hearing the mom’s comments, he asked me about it later. Although I felt a surge of anger, I managed to reassure him, and he continued to dress up as Tinker Bell for some time, which showed that my words had a positive impact.
Since then, he has faced bullying for not conforming to typical social norms. I’ve witnessed history repeating itself, but this time with a child who is more attuned to others’ opinions. He has been teased for speaking differently, playing with girls, and even for wearing a pink shirt.
He isn’t the type to defend himself, making it crucial for us to equip him with strategies and responses. He understands how to assertively say, “Stop,” and has learned that he can report bullying to a teacher if he’s being kicked under the table. Mostly, he’s learned to steer clear of kids who might take away his confidence or individuality.
Fortunately, he has also found a supportive circle of friends and is largely accepted for who he is, even having a best friend who is a girl. However, I worry that he is changing over time due to outside influences. He no longer wears pink, opting for gray, blue, and black clothing, while expressing his creativity by designing sparkly dresses for paper dolls at home.
As parents, we should encourage our children to enter the world with the belief that it’s never okay to diminish someone else’s spirit. While it’s essential to empower them to embrace their uniqueness, it’s equally important to instill respect for others’ choices. My child’s first experience with bullying came from a parent, and our actions as adults shape how children perceive acceptance.
This article was originally published on May 28, 2023.
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Summary:
This article highlights the importance of teaching children how to cope with bullying while embracing their individuality. It shares a personal story about a mother’s experience with her son facing bullying for his unique interests and style, emphasizing the need for parental guidance in fostering resilience and respect for others.