As I prepared for the arrival of my first child, I didn’t have a clear plan for the future. Honestly, my biggest concern was just getting through labor, which felt overwhelming. I knew I would take at least one semester off from my teaching job, but beyond that, I was uncertain.
Then he arrived: the most beautiful, intense, delightful, all-consuming little being I’d ever encountered. In those early months, he nursed around the clock, making sleep elusive. It seemed only I, my husband, or my milk could soothe him to rest. Looking back, I realize he would have eventually been okay with someone else, but as a new mom, the thought of that felt impossible.
Financially, returning to work was also challenging. Between commuting, my salary, and the staggering cost of childcare, it didn’t make sense. So, I naturally fell into the role of a stay-at-home mom, driven by necessity and a desire to be present.
Years passed quickly. Five years later, I welcomed another child and found part-time work that fit around my husband’s schedule. Yet, for all this time, I’ve been the primary caregiver, managing everything from dawn until he returns home. Often, I do this on very little sleep, interrupted by nursing, sick kids, or the worries that come with motherhood.
Let me be honest: it’s incredibly tough. I love it, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but being a stay-at-home mom is real work (and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!). It challenges you in ways you never anticipated, yet it also reveals a strength you didn’t know you had. It’s a chance for your most amazing self to shine through.
With my second child starting half-day pre-K soon, I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel (and yes, the tears are already flowing). Reflecting on my early days as a stay-at-home mom, I realize I had no clue what I was doing or how I’d get through those long, exhausting days.
Here are some nuggets of wisdom to help you navigate the beautiful chaos of motherhood:
- It’s OK to vent.
It’s actually a healthy outlet. Just because you express frustration doesn’t mean you don’t adore your kids. Sometimes, they make you feel so overwhelmed and exhausted that you want to pull your hair out. That’s normal, and venting can help. - It’s OK to ask for help.
I’m still learning this myself. When you’re sick and the baby is too, don’t hesitate to ask your partner for a day off to lend a hand. If your toddler is having a meltdown about pants, it’s perfectly fine to ask a neighbor to help with your older child. It truly takes a village, so don’t be shy about reaching out. - Avoid comparing yourself to other moms.
Even those who appear to have it all together don’t. We all battle disorganization and fatigue daily. It’s part of the gig, as is wearing yoga pants with holes and skipping showers for days. - Make an effort to get out of the house.
I know how daunting it can feel to leave with kids in tow. No one wants to get dressed, everyone’s hungry at the wrong time, and the house is a mess. But just throw on a jacket over your pajamas, gather your kids, and take a stroll around the block. Even a brief chat with the mailman can break the monotony. - Ditch the guilt.
For years, I wrestled with my identity as a stay-at-home mom. Shouldn’t I be pursuing something more prestigious or utilizing my degree? I felt guilty for not contributing financially. But that’s nonsense. Careers can wait. Many find that motherhood enriches their professional lives in unexpected ways. And if you consider what you’d cost if you hired yourself, you’d realize you’re worth your weight in gold. - Prioritize self-care.
This is another area I’m still trying to master. It may seem impossible when your kids are little, but you must carve out time for yourself. If you don’t recharge, you’ll have nothing left to give. Enjoy a 15-minute bath, or take your dinner to your room for ten minutes of peace—do anything that reminds you of who you are beyond motherhood.
Being the primary caregiver for young children can feel exhausting, isolating, and at times, boring. Yet, it’s also full of beauty. There are moments with my children that feel like pure magic. No matter how difficult it gets, I know I’ll look back fondly on these times and wish I could experience them again.
So, to all the new stay-at-home moms: It’s tough. It’s meant to be. But you’re doing it. You’re creating memories. And even if you don’t realize it now, you are doing an incredible job. So, give yourself some grace and embrace the significance of this vital work.
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Summary:
This article serves as encouragement and practical advice for new stay-at-home moms navigating the challenges of motherhood. It emphasizes the importance of venting, asking for help, avoiding comparisons, getting out of the house, letting go of guilt, and prioritizing self-care. The journey can be tough but is also filled with beautiful moments and memories that make it all worthwhile.