When I reflect on my 15-year-old’s early days, I picture her as a charmingly clever little angel. Sure, she wasn’t the best sleeper, but overall, she was a pretty easy baby. As a toddler, I could easily keep her entertained with a basket of board books, and she’d flip through them one by one. When asked about her early years, I describe her as sweet, agreeable, and calm.
But according to my own records, that recollection might be a bit skewed. While going through a journal I kept during her babyhood (those first kids really do get all the perks!), I stumbled upon this line: “This child is the most strong-willed kid I’ve ever encountered.” Interesting, right? It seems my little angel might have had a bit of a mischievous side after all.
As I continued to read, I realized my memories of those early years were less reliable than I thought. Yes, she was good-natured and compliant at times, but she also had her share of meltdowns, was a much worse sleeper than I’d remembered, and often refused to cooperate. Suddenly, memories flooded back—her struggles to stay still during diaper changes, the phase where she’d scream for no reason in public, and those exhausting days when I wondered if I’d ever sleep longer than two hours again. I had conveniently forgotten those frustrating moments. I’d developed a case of “momnesia”—a phenomenon where we forget the nitty-gritty of parenting.
We all know that motherhood can scramble our brains. Over time, the mental energy that could have gone into storing long-term memories gets diverted to tackling a 4-year-old’s endless inquiries or figuring out how to shake off that catchy cartoon theme song. As a result, we lose track of both short-term and long-term memories.
Momnesia tends to worsen with each additional child. The chaotic days of sleepless nights and toddler tantrums blend together into a hazy recollection of “Oh yes, the early years were challenging.” If it weren’t for my journal, I’d probably still insist that my first child was an absolute angel.
That’s why I often question the assertions made by parents of older kids when they claim their children never acted out. “My kids never threw tantrums. They never barged into our room at night. They never begged for toys at the store.” Sorry, but I find that hard to believe. Sure, there might be rare exceptions, but most kids go through similar phases. For instance, I’ve never related to memes about kids declaring, “I hate you!” to their parents—because my kids have never done that (and yes, I would have jotted it down if they had). In general, we moms with older kids can’t be fully trusted when recalling our children’s younger years. Some might deny it, but I’m ready to stand firm on this.
Just as women often forget the painful moments of childbirth, many moms lose track of the detailed struggles of early parenting. We tend to view those years through a rosy lens, even if we think we’re being realistic. We may insist we remember the tough times, but the vivid details fade away. Not like the mom currently navigating the nursing, holding, and sleepless nights remembers them.
So, new moms, take our insights with a grain of salt. We may have some valuable wisdom to share, and older moms can often be great sounding boards. But if we start claiming our kids never did certain things or that they were never challenging, don’t panic and think your little one is an outlier. Just nod along and remember that we likely have momnesia—because we probably won’t admit it.
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In summary, don’t let the sometimes rosy recollections of seasoned parents distort your view of early motherhood. Embrace the chaos and remember that every child is unique—even if the memories get a bit fuzzy over time.