Life teaches us many lessons, but one crucial lesson is the significance of timing. Imagine receiving a brand-new Lexus from your wealthy uncle for your birthday. If you express your gratitude within an hour, he’ll likely feel appreciated. But wait six months, and he might decide to cut you off or, worse, send someone to slash your tires. Or picture yourself at your favorite bar at 7:00 PM on a Thursday; you’re there to unwind after a tough workday. But if you stroll into that same bar at 7:00 AM, it suggests a different issue altogether—perhaps a drinking problem. Same actions, different implications.
Speaking of drinks, I recently had a rather enlightening conversation with a soon-to-be former friend who doesn’t have kids.
Friend: “Hey, a few of us are heading out for drinks after work. Want to join?”
Me: “No thanks, my partner is working late, so I’ll be home with my daughter.”
Friend: (in a condescending tone) “How adorable. Are you two going to play dress-up?”
Me: “Actually, we’re…”
Friend: “You know what? I don’t care. This whole ‘taking care of your kid’ thing is just an excuse. It’s a woman’s job to raise kids. You really need to man up—and I doubt you even know what that means.”
For context, I have a wonderful 16-month-old daughter. If he had made such misogynistic comments before she was born, I might be writing this from a jail cell. Thankfully, my daughter has brought out the best in me, so I just shook my head and walked away. Another prime example of the importance of timing.
I should have reminded him that being with your own child is parenting, not babysitting. Babysitting involves paying someone to hang out on your couch while you’re out.
As I drove home, I pondered what “man up” truly means. Does it mean neglecting my fatherly duties to drink beer with a guy I barely know? Or believing that child-rearing is solely my partner’s responsibility while I kick back on the couch? Not in my book.
To me, “man up” embodies:
- Supporting My Partner: No matter how great I think I am as a dad, my partner consistently puts in more effort. I make it a point to give her a break—whether it’s with a foot massage after a long day, cooking dinner, or simply telling her how much I appreciate everything she does for our family.
- Staying Healthy: Sure, the temptation to grab fast food is real, but whenever I feel like slacking off, thoughts of my daughter motivate me. To “man up” means working out regularly and eating right so I can be around for her as long as possible.
- Public Affection: I’ve noticed some dads won’t engage with their kids in public unless it’s to discipline them. I’m all about showing love—hugs, kisses, high-fives, basketball games, and even dancing in public. I want my daughter to grow up knowing that affection is normal and healthy.
- Embracing Playfulness: Many dads happily join in tea parties or dress-up games with their daughters. While mine is a bit young for that, I love picking out her outfits and learning about her favorite characters. “Manning up” means being whatever my child needs at that moment.
- Being a Role Model: I enjoy swearing, especially after a rough day, but I never do it around my daughter. I want her to learn manners, so I always say “please” and “thank you.” The other day, after I changed her diaper, she looked up and said, “tank ew,” which melted my heart.
- Perseverance: There are days when my daughter tests my patience, but I know that love keeps me going. Being a parent is undoubtedly challenging, yet it’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.
- Caring Deeply: I commit to being loving and supportive to both my partner and daughter. No night out can compare to the joy I feel after a typical day spent together. I’m learning how to be a dad and will sacrifice anything for my daughter’s well-being, even if it means disappointing someone who thinks parenting is a woman’s job.
So, to my misguided friend: My daughter means the world to me, and that’s how I define “manning up.” Instead of uplifting parents, your ignorant comments do the opposite. You might be lucky that timing saved you from a deserved confrontation—this community is far too good for that kind of negativity.
For more insights on parenting and family life, check out our related post on timing in parenting. Also, if you’re considering home insemination, Make a Mom offers reliable kits for your journey. And for those exploring pregnancy options, Healthline provides excellent resources on IVF and home insemination.
In summary, being a father is about more than just being present; it’s about actively engaging in your child’s life, supporting your partner, and embracing the challenges and joys of parenthood.
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