My son is fascinated by cars, trucks, and anything that moves. He’s energetic, loud, and full of life. Whenever we’re out, people often remark with a grin, “He’s such a boy!”—sometimes with a hint of an eye roll, but their approval is clear.
However, my son also adores dolls, princess costumes, and sparkly wands. Given the option, he will always reach for the pink and purple crayons. Sadly, it seems that no one notices this side of him. If they do comment, it’s often with a chuckle, suggesting he’s merely mimicking his older sister.
At just 2 ½ years old, thankfully, he is still blissfully unaware of the looming societal pressures that dictate what is “for boys” and what is “for girls.” I hope he continues to enjoy his favorite purple pants and pink shoes, but I worry he won’t feel comfortable bringing his dolls and wands to daycare.
While he has enough typical “boy” traits—being fast, loud, and a fan of trucks—I fear he may soon feel the need to abandon his more feminine interests. This thought pains me deeply. What hurts even more are the countless affirmations of his “boyishness” from well-intentioned strangers and even liberal friends, with hardly a word of praise for his love of pink. Yes, he eagerly accepts truck and train-themed gifts, but the last time we visited the doctor, he chose a princess sticker over a car one. When offered a choice between pink or blue cups, he went for the pink.
Many assume that I dress him in purple pants and pink shoes out of obstinacy, labeling me a man-hating feminist mom who can’t accept her son’s “boyish” nature. That couldn’t be further from the truth. My son enjoys both trains and princesses; he decided to pair his truck shirt with butterfly leggings. He’s not “just a boy”; he’s a child whose diverse interests haven’t yet been stifled by a culture that demands conformity. I wish more people would recognize and celebrate all aspects of who he is.
You might be wondering, “Does this really matter?” Sure, if my son loves trucks and runs fast, he’ll likely be fine, even if he eventually lets go of his “girl” toys. He’ll fit in, right?
But my concerns extend beyond just him. Each time someone makes a “such a boy” comment, I think of all the other kids who grapple with societal expectations. Many children can’t hide the parts of themselves that don’t receive instant approval, knowing looks, or positive eye rolls. The culture that champions my son’s passion for trucks while dismissing his affection for princesses is the same culture that marginalizes and alienates transgender and gender-nonconforming kids daily.
When the story of a German father who wore skirts and nail polish in support of his gender-nonconforming son went viral, my social media feed filled with “Best Dad Ever!” comments. Ironically, these were often from people who wish they had daughters to dress up and play with, or who casually remark about “boys and their trucks” when my son races toward the tractor at the playground.
Most progressives claim they would wholeheartedly support their children if they identified as transgender, promising to use their preferred pronouns. But that’s not enough.
It’s crucial to advocate for the freedom of gender expression for all kids, especially transgender ones, while recognizing that the rest of society doesn’t neatly fit into binary categories of “boys” and “girls.” The messages we share about gender in front of our children truly matter. When kids hear adults say that girls wear jewelry and boys play soccer, they learn that boys who enjoy jewelry are different, girls who play soccer are odd, and boys who wear skirts are wrong. Then we wonder why we need to teach them not to bully others for being unique.
So, while it’s nice to hear compliments about my son’s truck shirt, please don’t forget to acknowledge his butterfly leggings too. Because it truly does matter.
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In summary, it’s essential to embrace our children’s multifaceted interests and reject the limiting stereotypes that dictate what it means to be a boy or a girl. By doing so, we create a more inclusive world for everyone, allowing all children to express themselves freely.