My partner, Jake, rises at 5 a.m. every day while the world is still dark. He hops on a train to the city, where he puts in long hours teaching high school English. When he returns home, I often hand our two rambunctious boys over to him so I can finish dinner. After we eat and tackle chores, I retreat to our bedroom to work while he gets the kids ready for bed, helping them into their pajamas and calming them down for the night.
Sounds like a great guy, right? I think he’s pretty attractive, but seeing him embrace fatherhood makes him even more appealing. Here’s the cherry on top: This hardworking man doesn’t clock out of parenting when the sun goes down. He’s always there to help with our kids during those late-night wake-ups.
Our kids aren’t the best sleepers, so nighttime disturbances are common. Whether it’s a baby needing to be rocked or toddlers asking for water, Jake steps up almost as much as I do.
And honestly, this shouldn’t be remarkable. While I love that he’s such a great dad, it’s important to recognize that all dads (and all partners) should help out at night. If you’ve created a child together, adopted one, or are responsible for a child in any way, there is simply no excuse for one partner to be exempt from nighttime duties.
I’ve heard the excuses: “He works so hard. He needs his rest.” I get it, but guess what? You work hard too! Whether you’re working at home, from home, or spending your day caring for kids, your efforts are just as demanding. So why is it that the dad often gets a free pass when it comes to late-night parenting?
The reason is simple: sexism. It’s frustrating to witness even in the most progressive households. Dads claiming they’re too busy with their jobs to help with a newborn or assuming that their stay-at-home partners can handle everything is just not okay.
I understand that sometimes kids just want their moms at night. My breastfeeding babies often preferred me during those late hours, and I was fine with that. But when it came to diaper changes, filling up water cups, or comforting children after bad dreams, Jake took charge.
Without sharing those nighttime responsibilities, I would have struggled greatly with sleep deprivation. Our relationship would not have thrived under that kind of pressure.
I know Jake isn’t the exception. Many amazing dads recognize that parenting is a round-the-clock job and readily pitch in. However, there are still plenty of dads who clearly indicate they’re unwilling to get involved.
To those dads, let me be clear: That’s just not acceptable.
And to the moms who tolerate this behavior: Stand up for yourselves. Don’t let them off the hook.
Parenting is tough and exhausting. You likely knew that going in, but if you didn’t, now you know. Some of us are lucky with sleepers, while others aren’t. Regardless, there will be times when our kids keep us awake, and the burden shouldn’t fall solely on those of us who gave birth.
The reality is, if you start stepping up during those midnight hours, you’ll not only create special bonding moments with your kids but also have a happier, more well-rested partner who’s less likely to feel overwhelmed or resentful.
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In summary, dads need to step up and share the nighttime responsibilities of parenting, not just for their partners’ sake but for the well-being of the family as a whole.