Let’s get straight to the point, shall we? You were warned that marriage would evolve over time and that there would be challenges, but no one prepared you for just how tough it could get.
You might be feeling drained and isolated, or perhaps a bit overlooked. Maybe disagreements have been a nightly occurrence, and you’re frustrated over the simplest things—like why the dishes never make it to the dishwasher or how changing the toilet paper roll seems like a monumental task. Perhaps you’re navigating a particularly challenging phase, snapping at each other over small annoyances like an open fridge door or a burned-out lightbulb in the bathroom.
Or maybe you’re facing something even more serious.
Whatever the situation, your marriage may seem burdensome right now, and you catch yourself humming Coldplay lyrics on repeat. They say relationships aren’t easy, yet somehow, no one mentioned they could be this difficult.
Everywhere you look, you see cheerful couples. You scroll through happy family photos on social media and think, “They probably don’t argue about cereal choices.” You wonder if other parents stayed up late bickering over who should tend to the baby. You see adorable couples at the park, and it’s hard not to think they’ve never faced the tough times you’re currently enduring.
But let me reassure you: they have. We all have. Our struggles may look different—because every marriage is unique—but we’ve all experienced our own challenges along the journey to marital happiness.
Here’s the truth nobody tells you: Marriage is incredibly tough.
It can be downright frustrating at times.
And guess what else? It’s perfectly normal for marriage to be hard and sometimes unpleasant. You’ll be alright. Your relationship will be too.
Here are a few other things that often go unmentioned about marriage—things that don’t make it into the bridal shower advice book:
There Will Be Arguments.
You’ll argue about significant and trivial matters, and even about things that don’t really matter. From choosing between Walmart and Costco to whether your kid should get a haircut, disagreements will pop up everywhere. You might find yourselves locked in a debate over signing your daughter up for dance lessons or soccer. And yes, expect some epic battles over whether the toilet seat should be left up or down. You may end up giving each other the silent treatment for days after one of you suggests that a relative might be “a bit needy.”
There Will Be Anger.
You may find yourself astonished by the intensity of the irritation you feel when you see his socks strewn around or hear her chew loudly. You might feel like you could smother him with a pillow when he snores while you’re up in the middle of the night to tend to the baby or soothe a child from a nightmare. You might nearly lose it when she runs out of gas yet again, forcing you to leave a meeting early and make a lengthy drive just to pick her up.
There Will Be Score-Keeping.
You’ll keep track of who has had less sleep, who’s worked longer hours, and who last changed a diaper. You’ll undoubtedly notice who spends more time driving the kids around or who’s stuck in a job that simply pays the bills. You’ll find yourselves making mental notes of the number of dirty dishes in the sink or who last changed the toilet paper roll.
And There Will Be Tough Times.
Not the romanticized version of tough times you envisioned before having kids—the ones with minor squabbles followed by passionate reconciliations. No, real marriage can be incredibly hard sometimes.
But here’s something else you might not have heard: it’s okay that marriage is challenging.
Because despite the arguments, anger, and difficult periods, marriage can be pretty wonderful. The reality is that some of life’s most rewarding experiences—like marriage and parenting—require significant effort. Marriage isn’t all about heart-shaped rainbows or fairy-tale endings. It’s not about strolling hand-in-hand in the park followed by spontaneous romantic moments. It’s definitely not about those sugary social media posts filled with terms like “soul mates” and “#soblessed.”
Marriage demands hard work, and there will be tough days. When you’re sharing your life with someone—raising a family, pursuing careers, paying bills, and even choosing Netflix shows—it’s inevitable that you’ll run into some rough patches.
But you will come out stronger. You’ll remember you’re a team. You’ll argue, then forgive one another. You’ll compromise. If necessary, you’ll seek therapy. You’ll take a deep breath, give each other a playful gesture, and eventually laugh it off.
So don’t worry, you’re not alone. Marriage can be challenging for everyone at times. Navigating through those tough moments might even strengthen your bond. Because while marriage has its rough days, it also means having someone by your side to weather the storms together.
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Summary:
Marriage can be incredibly challenging, filled with arguments, anger, and tough times. However, it’s important to remember that these struggles are a natural part of sharing life with someone. While marriage isn’t always easy, the rewards of love, support, and partnership make it worthwhile. You’re not alone in facing these difficulties, and overcoming them can even strengthen your relationship.