“Mommy, what’s up with that boy?” asked the little girl. I could tell she was curious about my son, Max, a wonderful child who just happens to have Down syndrome. He also lost his hair a few years back due to alopecia, which he wears with confidence, even though it attracts quite a few stares. I was ready to respond with a smile, but her father quickly pulled her away, directing her to the next exhibit at the zoo.
For much of my life, I felt uneasy around individuals with disabilities. In fact, I would often steer clear of those who appeared different. If my children pointed out someone’s uniqueness with questions, I would feel embarrassed. But now, my perspective has shifted. Six years ago, I welcomed Max into my life, and he has imparted invaluable lessons that have reshaped my worldview.
Many parents inquire about how to discuss disabilities with their kids. I often overhear hushed conversations at the playground, zoo, and grocery store. I wish I could embrace every inquisitive child and supportive parent, reassuring them that their questions are not only okay, but good. We should encourage discussions that promote awareness of disabilities rather than ignore them and let confusion fester.
Here are six key points to consider when talking to your child about individuals with disabilities:
- Different is Not Bad
Children with special needs are unique, and that’s perfectly fine. It’s common to feel uncomfortable around differences, but pretending they don’t exist doesn’t help anyone. Instead, let’s engage in open conversations about these differences. For instance, Max is bald and has almond-shaped eyes. While that may be unusual, it also makes him look incredibly cool! - Commonalities Exist
Highlight the similarities between your child and children with disabilities: Do they share the same eye color? Do they both enjoy playing games? Every child has feelings and interests, and it’s essential to remember that a disability doesn’t define their entire being. - Disabilities Aren’t Illnesses
When discussing disabilities, it’s crucial to avoid terms like “sick” or “wrong.” For example, saying, “That boy has a sickness that makes it hard for him to communicate,” doesn’t accurately convey the situation. Many individuals are born with disabilities, while others acquire them due to accidents or illnesses. However, a disability is not an illness nor something that can be “caught.” - Language Matters
Teach your children the appropriate vocabulary to discuss differences: disability, special needs, and even specific conditions like Down syndrome or autism. Instead of saying “normal,” use “typical.” It’s also vital to discourage name-calling or derogatory jokes, as terms like “retarded” can be deeply hurtful. Changing our language takes effort, but it’s worth it. For more on this topic, check out the “Spread the Word to End the Word” initiative. - Curiosity is Good
Encourage your children to ask questions about disabilities. If they’re unsure of the answers, it’s perfectly acceptable to reach out to a child’s parent for clarification. Kids may phrase their inquiries in a straightforward manner, and that’s okay! I’m always happy to help them learn. - Utilize Available Resources
Many children’s programs, like “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood,” feature episodes that address disabilities, while “Sesame Street” regularly includes children with various needs. For books that can spark conversations about disabilities, I recommend “We’ll Paint the Octopus Red” by Stephanie Stuve-Bodeen and “My Friend Isabelle” by Eliza Woloson and Bryan Gough, both of which focus on Down syndrome. The University of Wisconsin–Oshkosh also offers excellent resources for disability awareness literature.
Thank you for taking the time to educate your children about disabilities. One final thought: the best way to teach them is by modeling inclusive behavior. If you see a child with special needs, smile, say hello, and engage with their parent. This approach makes it easier for your child to do the same. Ultimately, we all seek to be recognized and cherished—what a valuable lesson to impart to the next generation!