After spending nearly a decade managing my little ones, I’m finally ready to step back into the professional world. It took a lot of persuasion to get me here—who would want to hire someone who has gone days without showering and considers “sugardoodle” a suitable expletive? But here I am, swapping my comfy yoga pants for real clothes, shaking off my briefcase, and wondering if women still wear pantyhose to the office.
Before I packed my lunch for my first day, my husband reminded me to avoid “momming it up” in everyday work situations. To prevent any embarrassing moments, I made a mental note of things to steer clear of:
- Avoid Threatening Co-Workers with Time-Outs
As tempting as it might be to use the classic parenting method of putting a misbehaving child in a chair with a timer, I doubt HR would appreciate that at my new job. I may have mastered the “scary mom” face, but it’s best to tone it down on my first day. - Skip Overly Enthusiastic Praise
All parents know the instinct to validate every little thing kids do. But using that same enthusiasm for adult conversations might come off as sarcastic or condescending, which could lead me straight to the unemployment line. - Don’t Wipe Anyone’s Mouth During Lunch
Even if my colleague, Sam from marketing, can’t keep his food off his beard, I should resist the urge to whip out a wet wipe. This isn’t a playdate! - Refrain from Talking in the Third Person
I can already picture a co-worker, Lisa from accounting, rolling her eyes if I respond to a comment with, “Jessica doesn’t appreciate that!” That’s just asking for trouble. - Leave the Sticker Charts at Home
While creating a sticker chart worked wonders for potty training my kids, it’s unlikely that my adult colleagues would be motivated by gold stars or Elmo performance charts. Aren’t donuts and bagels enough incentive? - Never Resort to Bribery
No matter how stressful the situation gets, I can’t pull out the big guns of behavioral manipulation. I doubt adults would find stale jellybeans or cheese sticks motivating.
As I prepare to enter the workforce, I feel a mix of excitement and a twinge of anxiety about leaving my kids in someone else’s care. My bag is packed with a professional outfit, a healthy lunch free from yogurt tubes, and a hope that I don’t slip up by exclaiming, “Wow, thanks for using your manners!”
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Summary:
Transitioning from being a stay-at-home mom to rejoining the workforce can be daunting. To avoid common pitfalls, it’s important to leave behind parenting habits like time-outs, excessive praise, and sticker charts. Embracing this new chapter is both exciting and nerve-wracking, but with the right mindset, success is within reach.