I confess, I’ve said it. I uttered those words when my kids were infants. I spoke them with confidence during their toddler years. I proclaimed it with assurance as they began preschool and ventured into elementary school. I expressed it with conviction during middle school. And, yes, I even said it boldly, shamelessly (and foolishly) when they reached high school. That phrase you should never say as a parent is: “My child would never do that.”
I repeated it frequently, not fully grasping the reality of parenting. Perhaps I thought I was exempt because I was a good mom, and surely good moms don’t raise kids who make poor choices. They don’t produce children who engage in ridiculous antics that leave you blushing and shouting, “What on earth were you thinking?!” Great parents only have perfect, mistake-free kids, right? That’s why I confidently declared that phrase to myself and others without a second thought.
Then, life happened. I was knocked down a peg. I felt a mix of horror, embarrassment, and shame—my worth as a mother was truly tested. I regretted ever uttering those words. I had basked in the comfort of that statement until reality hit hard.
To all you parents of straight-A honor roll students, listen up. It’s easy to observe from your safe vantage point, convinced that your family is shielded from the temptations and pressures that challenge others. You might find yourself casually chatting with friends about what trouble someone else’s child got into, casually slipping in, “My child would never do that.”
But let me tell you, that’s a naive belief. Kids will be kids, and this isn’t an excuse for bad behavior—it’s simply an acknowledgment of their developing brains. Kids aren’t equipped to make the same decisions as adults; heck, many adults struggle with that too.
Maybe you’ve managed to raise an exceptional child, but if you’re like most of us, you’ve found yourself staring in disbelief at a teenager while gasping in horror, “You did what?” Welcome to the parenting club. Pour yourself a glass of wine and remember: it’s more concerning if your child never faces the consequences of their actions rather than if they learn from their missteps.
Keep in mind that some of the most valuable life lessons come from mistakes. Even the most well-behaved kids will eventually surprise you with decisions you never thought possible, and it often has little to do with your parenting style.
If you’re nodding along, having learned this lesson, I encourage you to share your experiences with other parents. Let’s break the facade of the “perfect family” and embrace the real struggles we all face. Talk to your mom friends, especially those who haven’t yet navigated the teenage years, about the importance of letting our kids learn from their failures.
Remind those who think it could never happen to them that it absolutely could. As a community, we need to offer support to families facing challenges rather than standing in judgment. Realistically, we’re all just one moment away from a bad decision that could label us as “that family.” Instead of saying “Not my kid,” let’s shift to “That could have easily been my child. How can I help?”
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In summary, the phrase “My child would never do that” is one that all parents should avoid. It fosters unrealistic expectations and can lead to disappointment and embarrassment. Embracing the idea that all children make mistakes will not only help us support them better but also create a more understanding parenting community.