After the birth of our third child, my partner, Sarah, began experiencing dark spots on her face, prompting her to start wearing makeup. Interestingly, I found myself arguing against it.
“You don’t need makeup. You’ve always been beautiful,” I insisted as she applied foundation in our bathroom mirror. We had been married for nearly a decade, and to be honest, it was more surprising to see her wearing makeup than it was to discover she didn’t prior to that.
The first time I remember Sarah wearing any makeup was on our wedding day. She had a touch of blush and some eyeliner, but it was quite subtle—just enough for the photographs. I still recall how stunning she looked, but I genuinely believe it wasn’t the makeup that made her beautiful. It was her radiant smile, the way her cheeks curved, and that simple braid she wore. There was an undeniable warmth in her laughter and the way she carried herself. Her confidence and personality drew me in.
As she emerged from the bathroom, an uncertain smile on her face, she placed her hand on her hip, a small mirror in the other hand. “It’s not about how you see me,” she said. “I know you think I’m beautiful.” Her face told me that I was missing something important.
She paused for a moment, searching for the right words. “But people don’t see me like you do. I don’t feel that beautiful anymore. These blemishes make me feel awful. I just want to hide them.”
We went back and forth, me insisting she was beautiful and her describing how she felt about her appearance. Words like “ugly” and “old” spilled from her lips as I reassured her of her beauty and the sweetness of her smile. I told her that if others couldn’t see her true beauty, it was their loss.
“No,” she replied, “it’s my problem.” Her tone was calm yet firm, and she stated something that struck me: “Your opinion isn’t the only one that matters.” She said it gently, but the reality of being a woman echoed in her words.
After that conversation, which took place two years ago, she began wearing makeup daily. Oddly enough, my perception of her beauty didn’t change; she still had that same enchanting smile and delightful personality. The only thing that shifted was how she viewed herself.
It took me some time to realize how right she was. Despite our long history together and everything we had built—our kids, our home, and our life—my view of her beauty wasn’t the only one that counted. Admitting this wasn’t easy; I often thought that my perception should be universal.
I recognize now that beauty standards are largely shaped by society and media. I once thought that my love for Sarah would be enough for her to feel beautiful, but I can’t ignore that she carries herself with more confidence when she’s made up. If wearing makeup helps her feel better about herself as a mother and partner, then I fully support her choice.
So, one morning, nearly two years after our discussion, I brought the topic up again. As she prepared herself in front of the mirror, I reassured her that she would always be beautiful in my eyes. Ultimately, I want what every partner desires: for their loved one to feel radiant. “I admit that understanding beauty can be complex, but if makeup is what makes you feel beautiful, then I’m all for it,” I said.
She smiled back, leaning in for a kiss. There were no “I told you so” moments; just a simple “Thank you” that spoke volumes.
In summary, while I may not perceive my partner’s beauty through the lens of makeup, it’s essential to recognize that her self-image matters. Supporting her decision to wear makeup is about her confidence and comfort. Remember, beauty is subjective, and ultimately, it’s about how one feels inside.
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