Having been married for over 11 years, I’ve received a plethora of advice about marriage. Most of it was filled with sweet sentiments and tips about romance, but little prepared me for the bizarre, mundane, and sometimes gross aspects of sharing your life with someone. Here’s an honest look at some of the realities of marriage that I wish I had known before diving in. Whether you’re just starting out or navigating the complexities, I hope this sheds some light.
- Most marital disputes center around laundry, finances, and who’s responsible for cleaning the bathroom.
- Between getting engaged and taking out a mortgage, couples start using the bathroom with the door wide open.
- Loading the dishwasher can feel like an IQ test in marriage.
- True love is about tackling your partner’s annoying back zit, not grand romantic gestures.
- After kids, sleep turns into a bargaining chip for everything from chores to intimacy.
- Married men often keep pictures of feminine hygiene products on their phones to avoid purchasing the wrong items.
- Family calendars feature coded entries: soccer practice, “Aunt Flo” for periods, and “Funkytown” for intimacy.
- Couples can argue about directions while driving 75 mph—legally, somehow.
- A husband might release an odor so terrible his wife has to step outside, then jokingly ask for intimacy.
- Passing a roll of toilet paper through the bathroom door symbolizes true partnership.
- You learn quite a bit about your spouse through laundry—like their wiping skills.
- There’s often a silent rivalry over which parent the kids favor more.
- Just when you think you’ve married up, your partner might eat a bowl of expired cottage cheese and question a strange smell.
- A husband may never grasp why his wife wants the seat down until he experiences a rude awakening at 3 a.m.
- In today’s world, making sure your partner looks good in photos before sharing on social media is key.
- Married couples share everything—except toothbrushes.
- Intimacy often starts with laying down a towel on the bed.
- One partner will likely be dieting while the other indulges in pizza.
- A surprising number of divorces stem from disagreements over blankets.
- Guests get clean towels and sheets; using them at home could lead to trouble.
- Assembling furniture from Ikea should come with complimentary marriage counseling.
- Imagining what your partner would look like with an extra 45 pounds is part of long-term commitment.
- Eventually, lingerie becomes less important; being naked and alone is what matters.
- Seducing your wife might just mean letting her sleep in or bringing her brownies.
- A huge chunk of marriage involves texting about what to have for dinner.
- Trust issues often arise from who devoured the last brownie.
- Watching your spouse sleep is both creepy and strangely beautiful.
Keep in mind, this list isn’t exhaustive. There’s so much more to marriage. But understanding these realities will certainly help you navigate the oddities of this journey. If you want more insights, consider checking out this article on home insemination and family building options.