A few months ago, my son was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor. While I won’t delve into specifics about its location or rarity, I can assure you that he is doing remarkably well, and we are maintaining a calm, focused, and positive outlook. However, receiving such news about your child turns your life upside down. Informing family and friends is challenging, but what’s often tougher is dealing with their responses. Some reactions can be incredibly supportive, while others can feel quite misguided. Here are four things you should definitely avoid saying to someone who just learned their child has a serious illness:
1. “I Can’t Imagine What You’re Going Through.”
This phrase can be quite burdensome. When you say this, it puts the onus on me to comfort you, which is not what I need right now. Instead of offering solace, it emphasizes the weight of our situation. A simple acknowledgment of the difficulty without putting pressure on me to elaborate would be more appreciated.
2. “You’re Handling This So Well…You’re So Strong.”
I’m just a parent doing what any loving mother would do—fighting for my child’s well-being. When I hear that I’m strong, it feels like a suggestion that I should be falling apart, and yet here I am, doing my best. Most parents would rise to the occasion when their child is in need, so let’s not label it as extraordinary strength; it’s just what we do.
3. “What Can I Do to Help?”
While I genuinely appreciate the sentiment, being asked this puts me in a tough position. I’m juggling a lot—other children, household duties, and emotional stress. Instead of waiting for me to dictate what I need, just take action. One friend dropped off frozen meals, toys, and little treats for us without asking, while another set up a meal train online to support my family during this tough time. Such gestures mean the world to us, and I’m grateful we didn’t have to ask for them.
4. “He Will Be Fine.”
Although I appreciate the positive intention behind this phrase, it can feel dismissive. Yes, we’re hopeful and believe he will recover, but the reality of our situation is much more complex than that. It’s important to recognize that we are navigating a challenging path that requires more than simple optimism.
The true hero in this entire saga is my son, whose resilience is awe-inspiring. Yet, it often surprises me how few people ask about his well-being or how he’s coping. If you want to show support, remember that he needs love and encouragement just as much as I do.
For more insights and support when navigating these difficult situations, check out this blog post. If you’re interested in at-home insemination, Make A Mom offers a range of reliable kits. Additionally, the NHS provides an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, when supporting someone going through a tough time involving their child’s health, it’s crucial to choose your words wisely. A little thoughtfulness can go a long way in providing comfort and understanding.
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