I’ve encountered this sentiment countless times: “You must be so happy! With your wonderful partner, your brilliant and beautiful child, and a job you adore, you’re so lucky!”
And while I acknowledge that I am fortunate and blessed, the confident and accomplished woman you perceive is only part of the story. Behind the facade, I grapple with depression. My smile, captured in those perfect family photos, doesn’t equate to happiness.
Beneath that smile lies a deep sadness—a persistent ache that seems to permeate every part of my being. My eyes, which may look bright from the outside, often well up with tears that no one notices.
If you were to see me in person, you might not detect my struggle. I eat healthily, exercise, and maintain a full-time job. I appear composed and “put together.” I don’t fit the stereotype of depression depicted in movies or advertisements—the person alone in a dark room, visibly distressed. Yet, just because I can function doesn’t mean I’m truly well.
Inside, I feel suffocated and trapped, grappling with emptiness and numbness. I may seem like an ambitious, nurturing mother who delights in playful moments with my child—even blowing bubbles in the park—but what remains unseen is profound.
You may not know that my relentless work ethic serves as a shield. I immerse myself in my job to escape my thoughts and feelings, to drown out the voices of self-doubt and fear that echo in silence. It’s easier to distract myself with tasks than confront the pain that often lurks beneath the surface.
And my smile? It’s a mask. I wear it to keep others at ease and to project comfort—after all, no one wants to be around someone who brings them down. So, I smile while I play hide-and-seek with my daughter, even when my mind wanders to dark places. I laugh while she swings, despite feeling like I’m crumbling inside.
The truth is, the persona of “Laura Smith, the writer,” is just that—a persona. The real me is fragile and scared. I’m anxious and deeply self-conscious.
That’s the tricky nature of depression—it doesn’t always manifest as the quiet or visibly sad person. Successful individuals can also struggle with it; they can be surrounded by love yet still feel alone. Depression can hide behind many faces, and it knows no boundaries.
As we observe Mental Health Awareness Month, it’s a great time to share experiences of living with mental illness. You can join the conversation by using #mentalillnessfeelslike on social media.
If you’re interested in learning more about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this resource on intracervical insemination. For those looking for guidance on at-home insemination, Make A Mom is an excellent authority on the topic. Another valuable resource for pregnancy and home insemination can be found at ASRM.
In summary, depression is a complex and often hidden struggle that can affect anyone, regardless of outward appearances or successes. It’s essential to recognize that a person’s smile may not reflect their internal reality.