As my daughter, Lily, approaches her college graduation in just a couple of weeks, a whirlwind of emotions and questions arises for me as her mother. What does this milestone mean for her, and how should I redefine my role in her life? When Lily was born with Down syndrome, I never imagined she would not only attend college but also be on the verge of graduating.
Recently, I heard from friends about the arrival of three new babies with Down syndrome in our community. My immediate impulse was to reach out and say, “Congratulations! I understand how overwhelming and daunting this may seem right now. But trust me, the joys and blessings of raising these incredible children will be beyond what you can imagine.” However, I paused, remembering how challenging it was to shift my dreams for Lily in those early days. It’s essential that we continue to dream big for our children and hold high expectations for them. I want these new parents to know they will grow into fierce advocates for their child’s future.
What Lies Ahead for Lily?
We’re still figuring it out. She plans to return to school in the fall, share an apartment with a friend, and work at a local café. As for me, my role is evolving from a controlling parent to more of an advisor, allowing her the space to grow and thrive. There’s a profound sense of freedom in this transition.
I recall a similar experience with my sons when they went off to college. Our relationship deepened as I learned to listen more and advise less. The distance fostered independence, but with Lily, her frequent calls kept me more involved than I might have preferred. Yet, being four hours apart has allowed us both to grow in ways I never expected.
While I could try to maintain control from afar, that wouldn’t grant either of us true freedom. I’ve realized that my involvement during her college years has been necessary, but the shift to an advisory role is a gradual process. Over the past four years, I’ve been learning how to let go while still being there for her.
Recognizing Lily’s Independence
Recently, a dear friend asked me whether I see Lily as my little girl or as the adult she has become. That question struck a chord with me. I often find myself treating her like a child, failing to fully recognize her independence. Accepting that Lily is capable of making her own choices is a tough but important shift. Isn’t that what we want for all our children? I’m grateful for friends who provide perspective during these transitions.
As parents, our hearts remain intertwined with our children’s lives. While we never stop caring, our roles do change. Alongside being an advisor, we have the privilege of supporting them through prayer. I often ask for guidance in knowing when to speak and when to listen, ensuring my words are uplifting rather than critical.
A Message to New Parents
To the new parents of babies with Down syndrome, I want to share that this journey may not be what you planned, but it will be filled with unique blessings. You will experience love and joy in profound ways, and your child will touch the lives of others in ways you never could. God can provide you with a fresh perspective while keeping you grounded.
As our children progress through life, we shift roles but always maintain our influence. When it feels like you’re losing your children or being phased out as a mom, remember that there’s no greater role than that of a praying mother.
Additional Resources
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out this article on intrauterine insemination, which is an excellent resource for anyone navigating this path. For more insights on parenting and family dynamics, you can explore other posts, including one on advertiser disclosures.
Conclusion
In summary, as we navigate the milestones in our children’s lives, it’s essential to embrace their independence while still being present and supportive. Our roles as parents may change, but our love and influence remain constant.