Parenting is full of tough conversations. Since that unexpected morning at 7 a.m. when I found myself having a sex talk with my eight-year-old—far earlier than I had ever imagined—I’ve aimed to prepare for these discussions a bit better. I’ve mentally rehearsed various scenarios: the Sex Talk Part II, the Standing Up to Bullies Talk, the You’re Smelly and Need Deodorant Talk, and the Alcohol Talk (or as I like to call it, the “If You Ever Drink, Please Call a Cab” Talk).
But what about the Coming Out Talk?
I hope that by the time my kids reach their teenage years, who they choose to date won’t be a big deal. I aspire to raise them in an environment that not only accepts but celebrates diversity, so they wouldn’t feel anxious or uncertain about their sexual identity. I envision my children interacting with a variety of families in real-life situations—not just through shows like Modern Family—which would help them navigate any challenges with a supportive network.
I want my children to feel loved and accepted, regardless of their sexual orientation, and I wish that alone would suffice. However, the reality is that love isn’t always enough. There are moments when they need reassurance, and we must remind them frequently of how cherished they are. Sometimes, the words we forget to say matter just as much as those we choose to express. While I hope these conversations flow smoothly, there are times when I might fumble my words.
Honestly, most aspects of parenting haven’t come easily to me—except for the overwhelming love I have for my children. So, here’s where I would begin:
My Dear Child,
I love you. Your father loves you. Your sibling loves you.
You might roll your eyes at me when I repeat how much I love you, but those three words—”I love you”—might not feel sufficient right now. You deserve more than that.
I wish it were enough to remind you that who you love doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. What truly counts is finding someone who loves and respects you while bringing out your best self. That is what matters—not whether that person is a man or a woman, but that you feel loved and cherished. I know you understand this, but I want to remind you anyway.
I may not fully grasp everything you’re experiencing, but I promise to try my best to understand. Please be patient with my silly questions and anxious thoughts. After all, I’m a mom, and neurotic worrying comes with the territory.
Your dad and I have always been clear about our beliefs regarding love and marriage equality—everyone should be free to love and marry who they choose. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t always share our views. I wish for a world that embraces differences and sees the beauty in love, no matter its form.
However, there are times when people can be unkind. While I can assure you of my love and how much of a gift you are—not just to our family but the world—I recognize that not everyone will treat you with the same kindness. As your parent, it’s my responsibility to help you navigate this sometimes harsh reality.
Let’s talk about the difference between those who simply don’t understand and those who are outright mean. Ignorance may lead people to ask thoughtless questions or make insensitive remarks, but often, their intentions aren’t malicious. On the other hand, some individuals are unkind for no reason. You can’t change them, and they’ll only sap your energy. So, let them go.
Do your best to forgive those who don’t understand, and don’t waste your time on the mean-spirited. Follow Kurt Vonnegut’s wise words: “Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.” In essence, don’t let the unkindness of others affect you.
I know you’re feeling afraid and confused right now. I wish I could take that pain away. Here’s a little secret: Everyone has their own fears and uncertainties. It’s how we handle our discomfort that shapes us. Embrace it; let it help you grow, live, and love.
While being gay encompasses much more than just sex, since we’re on the topic… Yes, I see you rolling your eyes again, but as your mom, we’re having that conversation! Engage in physical intimacy when you feel ready and equipped to handle the aftermath—because there’s always an aftermath. And don’t worry, I’d be saying the same thing if you were dating girls or boys. It’s all the same.
Most importantly, surround yourself with people who encourage your best self. Just as your gender doesn’t define you, neither does your sexuality. Be true to yourself, and strive to be the best version of you. That will always be more than enough, even when those three little words seem insufficient.
Oh, and by the way, if you’d like to invite your “friend” Jamie to the family gathering, I think that’s wonderful. Really, truly wonderful.
And what about the “If Your Friend Is Gay” Talk?
It’s pretty straightforward:
So, your friend is gay? Don’t be a jerk. Who they choose to date is none of your business. Just be a good friend. A really good friend. Why not ask them over for dinner? I’m making spaghetti!
This is an excellent read for parents navigating these conversations and preparing for the journey ahead. For more information on home insemination, check out this resource on IVF.
In summary, open dialogue about sexuality and acceptance is crucial for fostering an environment of love and support. By addressing these topics with care, parents can help their children feel secure and celebrated for who they are.